Tag: Marriage

Why Divorce Is Always On The Tip Of The Tongue! Four Reasons | Part 2.0 | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

With the hope of saving the institution of marriage In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the information, With the same seriousness as He who has prepared it for you.

I am hopeful that our relationships, mine, yours those marriages that are going to be, those marriages that are struggling that Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala can and will mend them and this is the promise of Allah Almighty for those who resort to his book seeking guidance and after all this is a Quran based approached.

Principle number one: one of the most important of principles pertaining to the institution of marriage and everything else after it is a is a branch, is a subsidiary. This is part of the ayah where Allah Almighty said I have taken from you a firm Covenant, a strong agreement.

It’s more so about a perception, An inner appreciation of marriage that should change. That’s not something you shift. You move, you carry by yourself. This is a discussion now between you and yourself, nobody else.

The sheer amount of ramifications involved in terms of Rights and obligations and ownership and inheritance and hormones and children and the rest of it. They’re all connected to this institution of marriage and therefore Allah Almighty makes it clear to us that this is a serious agreement.

However, I’m sure you will agree that we live in a society that is very dismissive towards the institution of marriage. We live in a world that is highly antagonistic to marriage.

Why is it therefore that we don’t see it at least a lot of us, the importance of this institution and therefore the word of talaq, divorce is always on the tip of our tongues. t’s a pressure card that he’s used always threatening his wife with and it’s a request that she may be always making from him, divorce me, any situation They had divorced me.  She says I will divorce you he says , that is a manifestation a reflection of a person or a couple who are looking down  on the situation to tuition of marriage. on the Institution of marriage. Not that through the lens that Allah Almighty has given it.

Why is it that we don’t see it IE marriage, like maybe our fathers and our grandparents and our predecessors used to  see it what has changed I suggest or posit that there are  several things that have changed. The first thing is the element of education and Tarbiyah, past experiences from Haram relationships, due to movements isms in society, Wherever you look you find people mocking the institution, of marriage or actively speaking out against it suggesting that perhaps it should be cancelled altogether and replaced with something else.

By the way, it’s difficult to entirely blame them. a lot of these statements that you just heard that they are reactions to very terrible experiences that people have witnessed in the name of marriage.

So a lot of what you are hearing is a reaction to things that shouldn’t represent What marriage is about. So these are three reasons why some of us have a dismissive perception of marriage because these were being bombarded with these type of statements.

Another reason and this is number four is satire, mockery of marriage Even if it is coming as a joke and something light-hearted.

How the Sharia has shown you and I that this relationship of marriage is like none other wallahi if we were to apply this principle and appreciate it. Akbar I believe it will transform our relationships because you see this person in front of you husband or wife as one of your gateways to Allah as pleasure or or His Wrath . – Shaykh Ali Hammuda

How Iblis Devil Sows The Seed Of Marital Discords | Impact On Children | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

When the shatiaan has given this topic [marriage] so much attention, why should we not give marriage this type of attention when shaitaan has given this topic so much more attention? It seems that shaitaan has a vested interest in separating husband and wife. And it’s one of those things that he celebrates a lot more with respect to sins that him and his troops they achieve and this was mentioned categorically in a Hadith.

The Prophet (S.A.W.S) said:

“Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” Shaytaan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him”

(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah).

The fact that, divorce is on the rise. in my own personal and short experience in the Islamic Council of Europe out of every 10 cases That are supposed to be mediating between people in every Avenue of life whether Financial, marital or whatever It may be out of every ten or so cases. I would say maybe nine of them are our divorce related, maybe more so we have a problem, shaitaan is working and many of these marriages could have been fixed. This is our motto We want to mend it rather than ending it. We want to find Solutions and divorced undoubtedly is a window that Allah has provided if all other options fail.

Look at what happens to the children? Iain Duncan Smith said Who emerge from broken homes are nine times more likely to commit crime then those children who come out from stable homes. That is a worrying statistic.

Look at the individual cost that happens when a husband and wife are falling out. Look at what happens to him what heart from an emotional psychological perspective.

 

The Perfect relationship between husband and wife doesn’t exist, why? Because, that doesn’t exist in Dunya. It exists in Jannah, but not in Dunya. – Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Really Hurts! Preference For A Materialistic Degree Over Hadith By Parents | Selecting A Spouse | Mufti Menk

The brightest children are not always the most successful on Earth and I want to tell you something else to prove that your education and your wealth are not necessarily connected… Allah makes some of the wealthiest from amongst us, some of the least educated, do you guys agree?

This is why you know what?  I really feel hurt when people sometimes see a successful businessman, A person who is doing really well and then they make an issue out of the fact that this person has not gotten a degree or whatever else so they cannot marry our daughter.

But what was the point of going to school in the first place to earn a living? This man earns the living without having gotten that degree.

Work hard inshallah as best as you can and enjoy the days you have, even if you’re at a workplace things are tough.

Life will be challenging. people will judge you. It’s not your fault. It’s not you who is sick. It is them.

A proposal has come in your direction from a person whom you are satisfied with their level of Deen which means their closeness to Allah, their religion, they don’t have to be you know, so Pious but on an acceptable level perhaps they read their Salah, they are responsible in their relationship with Allah and secondly, Their character and conduct is of an acceptable level. If you have those two then let it happen.

And you know what the Hadith says if you don’t oh, this is We say it we repeat it and we see parents do exactly the opposite and face the same consequences mentioned by the prophet (saw) and they blame everyone else.

So the Hadith says if good character came to you with decent deen. Now what has good character meant? you need a responsible guy, responsible person. Mashallah, they’re responsible and they have Deen, they’re good character.

I always say you will not even know that your choice of a Spouse shapes your future until you get married. Your choice of a spouse actually determines a lot of your future. Don’t choose with your hormones.

I’ve always said the two most powerful organs the heart and the mind, don’t ever give anyone the control of those two because they will hurt you.

In fact prior to marriage, is this person fit to be the mother of my children? Is this person fit to be a father to the children I expect to have? Will they be a role model? – Mufti Menk

Celibacy In Islam | Analogy On The Likeness Between Clothing And Marriage | Tranquility In Relationship | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Conformity to the way of the messenger (saw) as a rule all of the doors that lead to Paradise are shut with the exception to the door that is the door of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihiwasallam I,E his Sunnah.

What is amazing is that Conformity to the Sunnah is found is found in the institution of Islamic of Islamic marriage between a man and a woman.

The prophet Muhammed (saw) said I am the one who fears Allah Almighty the most and I have far more takwa consciousness of him than you. However, I pray and I sleep and I fast and I eat and I marry women. He said so whoever turns away from my sunnah, my way. Then he’s not from amongst us. So prophet (saw) prohibited Celibacy. It is not part of the religion.

Allah said you are a garment for them and they are a garment for you. I don’t think a human being can bring about a more beautiful comprehensive description of the nature of the relationship between man and woman in marriage.

What else does cloth do? Does it not protect us from the cold of the winter and the Heat of the summer, right? And that’s what marriage does they are protection for one another; Financial, Protection physical, protection emotional protection, moral protection, Islamic protection. La ilaha illallah,

How then can it be that a person then complains of a spouse who is offering them a Bruising fist every other day? Is this the type of clothing for each other that Allah Almighty has described marriages being for ourselves? Undoubtedly, not.

There is a love that is a miracle from Allah, the marriage between man and woman is one of the truest miracles in front of us, but it requires thought and Marriage it is one of the clearest paths for a human happiness in the life of this world.

Allah says from His many signs is that he has created from yourselves, spouses so that you may find rest in her and he has between you both love and mercy, and then the ayah concludes indeed in this there are signs for people who think.

The image of Marriage that is painted To Us by not just Society but my TV and social media is a fake one, that Bollywood or Hollywood image of him boy meeting girls and they lived happily ever after doesn’t exist in the life of this world and the same way that we don’t believe TV with respect to what they say about Islam and Quran and Jihad, we should not believe TV about what they say is the definition of an ideal marriage.

We are looking to deal with those major issues the axioms the pillars of a marriage that are crumbling down in order to ensure that there is Everlasting Love and everlasting Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going to discover that it is not marriage that makes you happy it is you that makes your marriage happy.

It’s a choice brothers and sisters and being Muslim and married and very happy. These are not oxymoronic. These are not contradictory descriptions. It is possible to be all of them, but it is based upon a choice that needs to be made and some effort and Allah Almighty has promised to fill the hands of such a person with goodness if he or she wants to make those decisions.

– Shaykh Ali Hammuda

The Golden Advice To Be Nicer Person Around & for Long-Term Relationship | Or Six Salah won’t Help | Mufti Menk

None of us are the same even in our thinking. We won’t think the same so, why did Allah make us different? Why do I think differently? You might be married to a person who doesn’t like everything you like. In fact, it will be it has to be it must be, subhanallah. Why have you thought of it?

It’s part of the plan of Allah. He wants us to master the art of living with difference of opinion with differences in our likes and dislike.

Even if you are born of one mother and one father look at the evidence from the time of Abel and Cain, from the time of Adam and Eve, may Allah bless them.

Small issues today and what do we do? It starts off in the heart, we become abusive. We start belittling. We start making people feel inferior. We say words that are hurtful. We say words that are harmful. We say abusive, vulgar words. Do you really think that you’re going to go far by saying these bad things? You have actually lost the plot even if you are making six Salah a day, you’re going nowhere.

Learn to be the best human being you can take a look at the globe, we are suffering simply because we want to impose our own thinking on the rest of the world. That’s why we are struggling. You, don’t do that.

And that does not mean you water down your own opinion. When I’m a Muslim, I will remain Muslim. I will believe what’s right and wrong based on my convictions. But how will I treat someone who disagrees with me? That is something we don’t know and we’re lacking and to me that’s one of the biggest reasons why we are at War today. Not only with the globe but even amongst ourselves.

You should be yourself unique, you don’t compromise your faith what you believe is right. You don’t compromise that. That doesn’t mean you have to belittle someone Else who has thought differently, who’s used the brain Allah gave them to arrive at a conclusion that you consider wrong.

You have to address people with respect from the very beginning. We were taught that as humankind and thereafter as the ummah of the one who was sent as a mercy to the rest, SubhanAllah, salallahu alaihe wasalam.

Do you Shout, Scream, yell, abusive, this that in your house?  You don’t qualify. It’s not a house or a home. It’s just a dwelling.

When you qualify you will have a much better home. Subhanallah, you’re going to have a beautiful environment in that house. You will know how to speak, how to address people, how to tackle difference of opinion and so on.

We don’t even know how to talk to our own spouses. We have such a big disease as Muslims. I promise you, that when a divorce happens, it’s like the end of the world, go to the non-muslims and learn from them.

You have to have a big heart. You have to understand the children belong to both and fulfil their rights.

Trust me. We need to create an environment, we need to create an environment of respect of Love, of dignity.

Young man came to the prophet Peace be upon him He says o messenger give me advice the messenger peace be upon him told him don’t get angry.

We all need that advice because we get angry. When things don’t happen your way and you can calm down, you’re a true follower of that messenger Peace be upon him. You deserve his Intersession on the Day of Judgment. May Allah granted to us.

My brothers and sisters we get angry very fast when something in the home doesn’t happen, whether it’s the child or a spouse or a parent or a sibling, we could so upset us… and how we start venting bad words. And the Hadith is a True Believernever uses an abusive word.

You want Jannah, subhanallah tolerate the heat of the Dunya heat of the fire of jahannam. That to be considered the correct Muslim you must be disciplined, you have to be disciplined. If you’re not disciplined you’re going nowhere.

We belong to different sects as Muslims. How do we treat each other? simple your ego. Throw it out. Come out and say I’m sorry because the day will come when the almighty may not forgive you, subhanallah. – Mufti Menk

Why Divorce For Trivial Matters! Listen To Save The Next Person | Parents Reminders ~ Shaykh Hasan Ali

You know, you have to admire our father’s generation, grandfather’s Generations.  Despite Decades of them having marital problems they stay together till the end until death departed them.

20 year olds and 30 year olds getting married and then within two years within months…. They are ending the relationship for trivial matters, for small things. I said it one thing the reason why I feel this is happening is because this generation that we have now this generation is a lot about not facing difficulties from a young age.

So parents have also in the last 20, 25, 30, years not given difficulties to the children. …removed all difficulties, you know, made it really easy for them. by the time they have then they are getting the married after a few years, you know, they’re not prepared for life.

No one saying you know shout at children.. But at least you know, you can be firm with children, the firmness with children and if you if you’re showing strength with children, children if you show softness to children, children grow up to be soft. And that’s why too soft is get married they don’t know how to deal with life’s troubles and life’s chaos and problems and so on and therefore, the easiest of me ,just get divorced for the most trivial matters, for the most smallest things that have probably happened in their life. And they want divorce, they want out and our parents and grandparents they stayed in there all the way till the end.

You don’t know what how many problems you have. You’ve got to understand that it’s more important to try and you know get to the end. And keep to your vows and remember that you know, you took a vow in front of Allah Azawajal when you got married, it’s not a small thing.

Divorce is there’s an emergency exit and is needed by some people. Yes, we can definitely reduce the number of divorces if people were to, you know, take life more seriously. if they first  haven’t up bringing those more serious and if they then knew how to deal with life’s problems and their trivial matters and so on.

please get the message out, be more firm with children And at the same time be, you know, be people who are ready for marriage and who got a serious intention to stay together all the way to the end unless something major comes out. Don’t look at the emergency exits.

The Most Difficult Part Of A Marriage | A warning Of Prophet Muhammed’(ﷺ) From His Deathbed | Mufti Menk

Don’t underestimate the value and the power of dua. Dua can actually get for you something you might have thought was impossible. But there is nothing impossible for allah. The biggest gift that you and I could give the bride and the groom is actually a du’a more than anything else.

The easiest part of any marriage is its Officiation.  The most difficult part is after that. Where the rights come into play, you have to live with each other. You’ve been brought up in absolutely different homes to the degree that if you were brought up in a similar home or the same home you would not be allowed to get married if you were Mahram.

One of the sacrifices that allah subhanahu wa ta’ala wants you to make is to be able to adjust to be able to fulfill the rights upon. The deathbed of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he got up and said something. He said I’m warning you about your treatment of women.

The most difficult part of a marriage is to be able to adjust, to be able to sacrifice, to be able to not only develop the trust with one another but to abstain from that which might cause blemish in the trust.

You want something to go right? Both of you have to make an effort. If both don’t make an effort it will go wrong.  So, we must develop ourselves, we must develop our character. A good happy marriage is based on trust. It’s based on sacrifice and communication but over and above that the relationship with Allah.

t-Tawakkul ‘ala Allah is the cornerstone of a happy marriage. If your aim is the pleasure of Allah and your spouse’s aim is the pleasure of Allah and you have develop your your character and your conduct, what can go wrong in that marriage?

Another very interesting point that is mentioned in the verses of nikkah is the issue of the tongue. To use your tongue in the straightway, in the best possible way, speak properly. Don’t say bad words, hurtful words, don’t cause hurt and abuse. Allah says, watch your tongue. It’s one of the things you can do to earn the pleasure of Allah, to protect your deeds and to forgive to achieve the forgiveness of these sins, more so within marriage. 90 or more percent of problems within marriage are connected to the tongue.

The prophet (saw) says the hadith says the best from amongst you is the one who is best to his wife. The one who is best to his own family that’s where charity begins… Charity begins at that point. – Mufti Menk