In surah An-Nisa Allah says how He will grant them the acceptance to solve the #problem who fear that there may be a #split in the relationship of #marriage….
Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala speaks of difficulty in marriage and he spoken about this in many places in the Quran. A reminder always helps those who believe.
So, Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala tells us if you are fearing that there may be a split in the relationship of marriage, then if both of you really want to solve the problem. It is Resolvable. It can be solved.
The condition is both of the parties need to want to solve the problem.
The intention should not be to pick on someone, the intention should not be to battle who was right and who was wrong, but the intention Allah says should be we want to go forward. This intention is so Noble if both parties are sincere in it. They will be able to resolve the matter.
What’s the point of having such a good-looking Outward appearance but the way you speak is so bad. Your heart is dirty, filled with disease filled with hatred jealousy deception and so on if we cleanse ourselves, we will definitely be able to achieve the Comfort?
If you were to seek forgiveness from the almighty, then you would automatically have to clean your heart because the two go together hand in hand, you clean your heart, and you seek the Forgiveness of the almighty. He forgives you and you have a big heart to forgive others as well.
Remember marriage is a very big sacrifice. If you are going to sacrifice, you will be happy. If not, it will become a crisis. If you want to protect yourself from the crisis within marriage learn to trust one another and don’t give reason for your spouse not to trust you.
Divorce in Islam is not prohibited, but it’s not a joke either. It’s a last resort when someone really cannot make the marriage work anymore and it’s causing problem hardship, difficulty. It’s becoming a strain on the brain in that particular case, you may want to consider separating.
When you make someone else’s life difficult Allah makes your life difficult, remember it,
my beloved parents when your daughters or your sons would like to marry someone, don’t say no without a valid valid reason, if you don’t have a valid reason and racism is not a valid reason, tribalism is not a valid reason. The fact that this person is darker in complexion is never a valid Reason. So remember allow the marriages and Allah will allow for you to enter Paradise.
Don’t use your tongue and your verbal expression to harm your spouse And remember the mawadda and the rahmah Allah jalla jalaluhu has placed between you something You dislike, don’t insult and don’t Mock and this could leave a lifelong scar that you will struggle later on to amend. – Shaykh Ali Hammuda
By Allah, if these pillars of a marriage are there mentioned in the Ayah (Surah Ar-Rum [30:21]) that you just heard which is Sakina (Tranquility) mawadda (affection) Rahmah (Mercy), then this is a household that can deal with all of the obstacles and the challenges of life outside. And perhaps an undoubtedly rather I should say. This is one of the secrets behind the strength of our messenger Muhammad Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, because Allah jalla jalaluhu gave him a righteous wife called khadija ibn khuwaylid (Rah) who was the means of the Sakina the tranquility and the mawadda the affection and the rahmah therefore regardless of what he experienced outside from enmity from The jinns, from the ins, mankind or jinn kind.
He came home to a caring woman who was patting him on the back. I’m saying to him I believe in you. I accept your message. I will pray behind you, removing the intestines of animals that were placed on his back using her Blessed Hands and removing the dust from his beard and from his hair using her blessed hands, and he was able to continue that is why the day when she left it was a year of sorrow in the life of the messenger (saw). mawadda & rahmah was in this family and the gratitude that we need to have for our mother khadijah (ra) is beyond my ability to express it to tell you the truth, brothers and sisters for creating a home where by the messenger of Allah was able to propagate his mission till it came to our masjid in Cardiff mawadda and Rahmah was in that family.
Therefore not only does it help you as an individual find your feet in life and be happy as a married man or a woman it helps you find your akhirah, helps you convey the message of Allah when the home has within it, tranquility and affection and mercy and the opposite is just as true. Therefore, He sallallahu alehiwassallaam never forgot the virtue that she has over him in this department, even when she died because she was 15 years his senior. She had the whole world and the her hands and beneath her feet. She handed it over to her messenger and to her husband so that he could convey the word of God Almighty subhanahu wa’ta’ala. So when she passed away, he never forgot her and her mother Aisha radiallahu anna she would say even after she died.
She said in my life, I never felt more jealous towards any one of the wives of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam, then the jealousy I felt towards khadijah (Ra), and I never met her. I never even met her. I think what I would say to him, she was an old woman jealousy sometimes causes a person to see irrational things. They are excused. That was just an old woman. Why are you so obsessed with her? He would say to happens Allah Almighty blessed me with her love. What can I do about it? Allah put her love in my heart. subhanallah al-azim, mawadda & Rahmah ayesh (ra) said that even after she died messenger (saw) sometimes slaughter a goat and he will say distribute the meat of the goat between the friends of Khadija. He never forgot her and one day when he heard a knock at the door and who was knocking at the door of the messenger (saw) So I sent him it was Halah bint Khuwailid, the sister of Khadija (ra) He heard her voice and he said is oh Allah it is halah because Her voice reminded him of the voice of Khadija (ra) his wife before she had passed away. subhanAllah, he was walking in the street in a group of old women came to him and he took off his shawl and he put it on the floor and he said sit down, how are you doing? And he he spoke with them and how is life after us? What happened? What did you do?
Aysha (ra) said messenger of Allah (saw) who are these old women you were speaking to? he said these used to be women who used to visit us during the days of Khadija. Look at those words. Like those amazing days of khadijah you read between the lines. Amazing Subhan Allah because she provided a home that was of Sakina and mawadda She can really set the mood of the house and she can do the opposite and and this will be an empowering part of the discussion. Abu al-As ibn al-Rabi, who was the husband of Zainab, who is Zainab? The daughter of the prophet Mohammed (saw) from Khadijah (ra) So this is their daughter of Zainab They married her to a man called al-As ibn al-Rabi who was a Muslim, but they were stuck in Mecca. They couldn’t emigrate, the pagans had left them there. They prevented them from coming to Medina. And so when the Battle of Badr took place what happened? What happened? What happened? Was that al-As was forced by the pagans to go and to fight with them against the Muslims. It was out of his will and so he was caught by the Muslims and taken to Medina. So he was now separated between him and his wife Zainab.
She still in Mecca. And so the pagans they began to send messages to Medina saying we need you to free our men and so the deal was that Every man who was able to teach the Muslims how to read and write we will let him free, the importance of Education teach how to read and write and that will be your Ransom. If you can’t teach us how to read and write then you will need to pay a ransom. So the meccans they began to pay ransoms sending it to Medina. What is Zainab going to provide? What is Zainab going to provide, what type of Ransom because the meccan are not going to help her because they know that her husband is an ally of the prophet (saw) So she had nothing to give but a bracelet. Which her mother had given to her on her wedding night, khadijah (ra) So she sent it to the Prophet Muhammad (saw) And when he came imagine, he receives his bag. He puts his hand inside and he hears that this is the ransom for the husband of your daughter. And he takes out to see what is she going to Ransom him win? Like how did we get into this scenario to begin with and he finds the bracelet that his Khadijah had given to her when she was still alive to marry her off to al-As to beautify herself for him and the necessary jewelry that a woman requires. The narration says the prophet (saw) became so emotional when he saw this and he cried so much turning it and tossing in his hand remembering the days of Khadija. Then he said to his companions if it is okay with you would it be all right for us to give them back this Ransom and to free him free of charge on the condition that he sends Zainab to Medina and they said of course. Look at how he never forgot her, dear brothers and sisters. One of the key reasons without a doubt is because of the Sakina, the mawadda, the affection, the rahmah, that she played a chief role in facilitating in his house. That enabled him to do what he needed to do as a prophet from Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala.
So when you have a society that is areligious, it’s not religious. It means anything can be mocked whether that’s the prophet whether that’s religion whether that’s God whether that’s marriage. for us, It’s a different discussion. There are certain things that are Sanctified and they cannot be mocked or joked about. I truly feel that marriage Falls in that department because look at how Allah Almighty he spoke about it. And look at how the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam spoke about it. And therefore when you see these types of things whether it’s through a WhatsApp image that you share whether it’s a tweet, whether it’s a meme whether it’s a caricature image of some sort, you are mocking fatherhood, you mocking motherhood. You’re mocking marriage, you’re mocking the abilities of one or the other to fulfill their responsibilities. You have the young who are hearing this or the older, you have been the happily married or those who are not so happily married and whether you realize it or not, you are sending subliminal messages in their mind to not take the institution of marriage Seriously.
It’s like anything else and therefore therefore. It should be a red line and what surprises me personally my dear brothers and sisters is that a lot of these jokes are issued by so-called life coaches, brothers Who are they are delivering courses like this and lectures at universities and delivering recordings for social media, but for the purpose of being light-hearted and to make the people laugh and to get the mood going we crack a joke here and there about how useless men are, how useless women are, how useless marriages, and and you get these, you know condolences, types of jokes, right? And it’s a brother for example who could have been crying to you a few years ago saying I need to get married and I’m struggling I I really need to find a wife and and and and and then the moment Allah gives him with marriage What does he start doing? to show that he’s a man, right? He’s married. Yeah, I’m married now, condolences Oh, I mean congratulations and I’m thinking to myself. Wow. It’s like you have forgotten yourself. You have forgotten who you are a few years ago. Now that Allah has blessed you, you are mocking it. This is not an institution to be mocked. You hear jokes like a person saying we saw a man who was at the funeral of his wife and he was standing at the grave of his wife, making Dua to Allah seeing all Allah she is divorced.
She is divorced, talaq, talaq They said to her why you trying to divorce her she’s already died. He says just in case she follows me into Jannah. She is my wife in jannah and we take this light heartedly is this an institution to be joked about? I would argue certainly No, in fact, one of these brothers himself during the course, he said sisters and he’s trying to be funny and I guess he says if you fall out, if you have a, if you have a Calamity in life, generally speaking try to keep a photo of your husband in your wallet, why he says so that whenever you were going through trauma in your life on a major Challenge and a big obstacle just take out the photo look at it and say to yourself if I can deal with that I can deal with anything else in life, and it will make you be able to deal with your challenge. How can somebody take marriage seriously after that it will send a message. If I am constantly mocking your car; your Vauxhall Astra, your Banger, You4 wreck, your HEAP of junk, your bone Rattler this that the other. will it not get to a point where you would look at your current think, you know what maybe it’s time for me to change, it if somebody is constantly dropping jokes about your looks, your ears, your nose, your color, your height your with, your way. Will you not go home and eventually look into the mirror and say my goodness, I need to be a little bit more self-conscious. Right? if somebody is constantly drumming into your head that marriage is ridiculous. Marriage is a cage, marriage is a project in prison blah blah blah blah. It has to affect a percentage of people. in that is the purpose of satire, satire By the way is not just about making people laugh that’s comedy. It’s about changing perceptions through amusements and ridicule and we can afford to do that when Allah Almighty said about this institution as what? A firm Covenant, what is even more worrying is that we are ridiculing the institution of marriage when the opposite is being glorified and promoted. So you … what am I left with? if the only Halal option which is marriage is being ridiculed. And we live in a society when the alternative is being promoted glorified, beautified What do we do in that situation?
And even in the Muslim filled themselves when for example a brother who’s having a hard time at home with his with his wife then he goes on to social media and he sees this beautiful reporters, beautiful presenters, carefully curated images, edited Instagram photos. What is he thinking? those jokes they start coming back and similarly a sister who may be having issues with her husband at home. Like we all do with our spouses and then she goes to the masjid, He goes to the University lecture Theatre to hear any Islamic lecture and they’re in front of her, is a Sheikh who looks ten out of ten. The beard is carefully trimmed. Maybe he Dyed to cover the greys and topi maybe that Im mama is absolutely picture-perfect crisp. He smells Gucci, Chanel everything and then she begins to compare what my husband does not speak that eloquently. He doesn’t look that good. My husband’s knowledge doesn’t come half to this man’s knowledge. And then the poor lady ends up thinking that this man looks like this 24 hours a day like he wakes up in the morning with Im mama on his head. He comes out of the bathroom with the carefully iron thobe the point of mentioning this year brothers and sister is that when we are mocking the institution of marriage, even if lightheartedly and on top of that add another layer of complexity the ooppoiste it is being glorified and Everything is exposed and we can see everything about everyone’s life today. What are you left with? we are left with a problem. You have James Sexton who is a divorce lawyer and he’s been in this field dealing with custody disputes for 20-odd years and there was an interview between him and someone called Sean ailing, Sean ailing he said to him. In your experience, you’ve had thousands of people coming in and out of your office dealing with marital dispute. What is your number one bit of advice for those people who are looking to get married? And what was the advice?
He said take marriage very seriously. And then he goes on to say consider it like a car and he says I hate to give the example of a car because some people Unfortunately they give more respect and more thought to the buying of a car than tying are not with another human being. He says like a car if you were to ask the average person. What is your dream car? What car would you like? You would say? I’d like a Ferrari. I’d like a Lambo. And then if you say to that person hold on a minute, the car that you’re going to have is going to be your only car and it will be with you for the rest of your life. Will it be the Ferrari or the lambo or will he required to re-evaluate the answer? He will re-evaluate the answer. Why? because we recognize that the car that you desire when you’re 20 years old is a little bit different than the car that you desire when you’re 30 years old, when you got two or three kids now wanting to join the ride. Take the marriage seriously. And understand that this is not just about pacifying, passion dealing with the romance with a person that you have just Crossroads with. but you are coming into the one of the biggest contracts in existence. Whereby when you are involved with this person. You are also involved with Allah. remember brothers and sisters that this man he is dear sisters your Paradise or your hell and remember dear brothers that this woman that you have married has taken from you a firm Covenant and I believe that many of the problems will be flushed out just by virtue of realizing the weight of this marriage and that can come through reading, through consultation, and through the attending of courses like this and others.
The brightest children are not always the most successful on Earth and I want to tell you something else to prove that your education and your wealth are not necessarily connected… Allah makes some of the wealthiest from amongst us, some of the least educated, do you guys agree?
This is why you know what? I really feel hurt when people sometimes see a successful businessman, A person who is doing really well and then they make an issue out of the fact that this person has not gotten a degree or whatever else so they cannot marry our daughter.
But what was the point of going to school in the first place to earn a living? This man earns the living without having gotten that degree.
Work hard inshallah as best as you can and enjoy the days you have, even if you’re at a workplace things are tough.
Life will be challenging. people will judge you. It’s not your fault. It’s not you who is sick. It is them.
A proposal has come in your direction from a person whom you are satisfied with their level of Deen which means their closeness to Allah, their religion, they don’t have to be you know, so Pious but on an acceptable level perhaps they read their Salah, they are responsible in their relationship with Allah and secondly, Their character and conduct is of an acceptable level. If you have those two then let it happen.
And you know what the Hadith says if you don’t oh, this is We say it we repeat it and we see parents do exactly the opposite and face the same consequences mentioned by the prophet (saw) and they blame everyone else.
So the Hadith says if good character came to you with decent deen. Now what has good character meant? you need a responsible guy, responsible person. Mashallah, they’re responsible and they have Deen, they’re good character.
I always say you will not even know that your choice of a Spouse shapes your future until you get married. Your choice of a spouse actually determines a lot of your future. Don’t choose with your hormones.
I’ve always said the two most powerful organs the heart and the mind, don’t ever give anyone the control of those two because they will hurt you.
In fact prior to marriage, is this person fit to be the mother of my children? Is this person fit to be a father to the children I expect to have? Will they be a role model? – Mufti Menk
Conformity to the way of the messenger (saw) as a rule all of the doors that lead to Paradise are shut with the exception to the door that is the door of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihiwasallam I,E his Sunnah.
What is amazing is that Conformity to the Sunnah is found is found in the institution of Islamic of Islamic marriage between a man and a woman.
The prophet Muhammed (saw) said I am the one who fears Allah Almighty the most and I have far more takwa consciousness of him than you. However, I pray and I sleep and I fast and I eat and I marry women. He said so whoever turns away from my sunnah, my way. Then he’s not from amongst us. So prophet (saw) prohibited Celibacy. It is not part of the religion.
Allah said you are a garment for them and they are a garment for you. I don’t think a human being can bring about a more beautiful comprehensive description of the nature of the relationship between man and woman in marriage.
What else does cloth do? Does it not protect us from the cold of the winter and the Heat of the summer, right? And that’s what marriage does they are protection for one another; Financial, Protection physical, protection emotional protection, moral protection, Islamic protection. La ilaha illallah,
How then can it be that a person then complains of a spouse who is offering them a Bruising fist every other day? Is this the type of clothing for each other that Allah Almighty has described marriages being for ourselves? Undoubtedly, not.
There is a love that is a miracle from Allah, the marriage between man and woman is one of the truest miracles in front of us, but it requires thought and Marriage it is one of the clearest paths for a human happiness in the life of this world.
Allah says from His many signs is that he has created from yourselves, spouses so that you may find rest in her and he has between you both love and mercy, and then the ayah concludes indeed in this there are signs for people who think.
The image of Marriage that is painted To Us by not just Society but my TV and social media is a fake one, that Bollywood or Hollywood image of him boy meeting girls and they lived happily ever after doesn’t exist in the life of this world and the same way that we don’t believe TV with respect to what they say about Islam and Quran and Jihad, we should not believe TV about what they say is the definition of an ideal marriage.
We are looking to deal with those major issues the axioms the pillars of a marriage that are crumbling down in order to ensure that there is Everlasting Love and everlasting Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going to discover that it is not marriage that makes you happy it is you that makes your marriage happy.
It’s a choice brothers and sisters and being Muslim and married and very happy. These are not oxymoronic. These are not contradictory descriptions. It is possible to be all of them, but it is based upon a choice that needs to be made and some effort and Allah Almighty has promised to fill the hands of such a person with goodness if he or she wants to make those decisions.
None of us are the same even in our thinking. We won’t think the same so, why did Allah make us different? Why do I think differently? You might be married to a person who doesn’t like everything you like. In fact, it will be it has to be it must be, subhanallah. Why have you thought of it?
It’s part of the plan of Allah. He wants us to master the art of living with difference of opinion with differences in our likes and dislike.
Even if you are born of one mother and one father look at the evidence from the time of Abel and Cain, from the time of Adam and Eve, may Allah bless them.
Small issues today and what do we do? It starts off in the heart, we become abusive. We start belittling. We start making people feel inferior. We say words that are hurtful. We say words that are harmful. We say abusive, vulgar words. Do you really think that you’re going to go far by saying these bad things? You have actually lost the plot even if you are making six Salah a day, you’re going nowhere.
Learn to be the best human being you can take a look at the globe, we are suffering simply because we want to impose our own thinking on the rest of the world. That’s why we are struggling. You, don’t do that.
And that does not mean you water down your own opinion. When I’m a Muslim, I will remain Muslim. I will believe what’s right and wrong based on my convictions. But how will I treat someone who disagrees with me? That is something we don’t know and we’re lacking and to me that’s one of the biggest reasons why we are at War today. Not only with the globe but even amongst ourselves.
You should be yourself unique, you don’t compromise your faith what you believe is right. You don’t compromise that. That doesn’t mean you have to belittle someone Else who has thought differently, who’s used the brain Allah gave them to arrive at a conclusion that you consider wrong.
You have to address people with respect from the very beginning. We were taught that as humankind and thereafter as the ummah of the one who was sent as a mercy to the rest, SubhanAllah, salallahu alaihe wasalam.
Do you Shout, Scream, yell, abusive, this that in your house? You don’t qualify. It’s not a house or a home. It’s just a dwelling.
When you qualify you will have a much better home. Subhanallah, you’re going to have a beautiful environment in that house. You will know how to speak, how to address people, how to tackle difference of opinion and so on.
We don’t even know how to talk to our own spouses. We have such a big disease as Muslims. I promise you, that when a divorce happens, it’s like the end of the world, go to the non-muslims and learn from them.
You have to have a big heart. You have to understand the children belong to both and fulfil their rights.
Trust me. We need to create an environment, we need to create an environment of respect of Love, of dignity.
Young man came to the prophet Peace be upon him He says o messenger give me advice the messenger peace be upon him told him don’t get angry.
We all need that advice because we get angry. When things don’t happen your way and you can calm down, you’re a true follower of that messenger Peace be upon him. You deserve his Intersession on the Day of Judgment. May Allah granted to us.
My brothers and sisters we get angry very fast when something in the home doesn’t happen, whether it’s the child or a spouse or a parent or a sibling, we could so upset us… and how we start venting bad words. And the Hadith is a True Believernever uses an abusive word.
You want Jannah, subhanallah tolerate the heat of the Dunya heat of the fire of jahannam. That to be considered the correct Muslim you must be disciplined, you have to be disciplined. If you’re not disciplined you’re going nowhere.
We belong to different sects as Muslims. How do we treat each other? simple your ego. Throw it out. Come out and say I’m sorry because the day will come when the almighty may not forgive you, subhanallah. – Mufti Menk
You know, you have to admire our father’s generation, grandfather’s Generations. Despite Decades of them having marital problems they stay together till the end until death departed them.
20 year olds and 30 year olds getting married and then within two years within months…. They are ending the relationship for trivial matters, for small things. I said it one thing the reason why I feel this is happening is because this generation that we have now this generation is a lot about not facing difficulties from a young age.
So parents have also in the last 20, 25, 30, years not given difficulties to the children. …removed all difficulties, you know, made it really easy for them. by the time they have then they are getting the married after a few years, you know, they’re not prepared for life.
No one saying you know shout at children.. But at least you know, you can be firm with children, the firmness with children and if you if you’re showing strength with children, children if you show softness to children, children grow up to be soft. And that’s why too soft is get married they don’t know how to deal with life’s troubles and life’s chaos and problems and so on and therefore, the easiest of me ,just get divorced for the most trivial matters, for the most smallest things that have probably happened in their life. And they want divorce, they want out and our parents and grandparents they stayed in there all the way till the end.
You don’t know what how many problems you have. You’ve got to understand that it’s more important to try and you know get to the end. And keep to your vows and remember that you know, you took a vow in front of Allah Azawajal when you got married, it’s not a small thing.
Divorce is there’s an emergency exit and is needed by some people. Yes, we can definitely reduce the number of divorces if people were to, you know, take life more seriously. if they first haven’t up bringing those more serious and if they then knew how to deal with life’s problems and their trivial matters and so on.
please get the message out, be more firm with children And at the same time be, you know, be people who are ready for marriage and who got a serious intention to stay together all the way to the end unless something major comes out. Don’t look at the emergency exits.
My brothers my sisters, like I said on earth you will have days when mashallah, as you grow older. At how things have changed, right? But we remember the days. When you look at yourself now aren’t you a little bit lonely? Well, Allah is telling you well build a relationship with me now, come SubhanAllah, la ilaha ilallah,….
You know your children no matter how many you have they’re going to get married, the biggest mistake we make we want to control, control who? Everyone else… listen to a certain extent you can let them know even your own children, you can let them know what to do what not to do but control… trust me you will develop a huge problem if you want to control everyone around.
We want to control everyone around us. We break our families and communities into pieces because we want to have the only say. You must listen to everyone and you must do that which is beneficial for the community but you do have a final say because there has to be one leader who decides.
I’d love to have Eid the same way we’ve had it when we were young, when all the brothers and sisters got together on the day of Eid but guess what? Now they start getting married. Each one of them has their own children.
It’s not fair to always have Eid in one place, I need to make sure that I.. Let loose a little bit, I will be a bit …the Eids are not going to be like they were all the time. I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid, break loose you still United, didn’t I say? May Allah give us unity.
You can still be united. You know what? For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… don’t force yours on them, for as long as it has some form of validation in Islam let it be. The minute you try to force you will destroy.. There will be disunity. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented.
It’s very important for us to know that life has lessons. We don’t learn them sometimes. Allah says you know when you’re young it’s not going to be the same as you grow older. When you grow older things have to change. The baton is passed on.
Yes, we are human yes we do have human nature. But we should be disciplining it with the discipline of Islam. it will help us. it will take us to jannatul ferdous, it will make us the best of people. Don’t be too hard and fast on others even your own family members. Sometimes we are too hard on our own spouses.
I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid. Break loose you still united. For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… The minute you try to force you will destroy. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented. – Mufti Menk