What’s the point of having such a good-looking Outward appearance but the way you speak is so bad. Your heart is dirty, filled with disease filled with hatred jealousy deception and so on if we cleanse ourselves, we will definitely be able to achieve the Comfort?
If you were to seek forgiveness from the almighty, then you would automatically have to clean your heart because the two go together hand in hand, you clean your heart, and you seek the Forgiveness of the almighty. He forgives you and you have a big heart to forgive others as well.
Remember marriage is a very big sacrifice. If you are going to sacrifice, you will be happy. If not, it will become a crisis. If you want to protect yourself from the crisis within marriage learn to trust one another and don’t give reason for your spouse not to trust you.
Divorce in Islam is not prohibited, but it’s not a joke either. It’s a last resort when someone really cannot make the marriage work anymore and it’s causing problem hardship, difficulty. It’s becoming a strain on the brain in that particular case, you may want to consider separating.
When you make someone else’s life difficult Allah makes your life difficult, remember it,
my beloved parents when your daughters or your sons would like to marry someone, don’t say no without a valid valid reason, if you don’t have a valid reason and racism is not a valid reason, tribalism is not a valid reason. The fact that this person is darker in complexion is never a valid Reason. So remember allow the marriages and Allah will allow for you to enter Paradise.
So when you have a society that is areligious, it’s not religious. It means anything can be mocked whether that’s the prophet whether that’s religion whether that’s God whether that’s marriage. for us, It’s a different discussion. There are certain things that are Sanctified and they cannot be mocked or joked about. I truly feel that marriage Falls in that department because look at how Allah Almighty he spoke about it. And look at how the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam spoke about it. And therefore when you see these types of things whether it’s through a WhatsApp image that you share whether it’s a tweet, whether it’s a meme whether it’s a caricature image of some sort, you are mocking fatherhood, you mocking motherhood. You’re mocking marriage, you’re mocking the abilities of one or the other to fulfill their responsibilities. You have the young who are hearing this or the older, you have been the happily married or those who are not so happily married and whether you realize it or not, you are sending subliminal messages in their mind to not take the institution of marriage Seriously.
It’s like anything else and therefore therefore. It should be a red line and what surprises me personally my dear brothers and sisters is that a lot of these jokes are issued by so-called life coaches, brothers Who are they are delivering courses like this and lectures at universities and delivering recordings for social media, but for the purpose of being light-hearted and to make the people laugh and to get the mood going we crack a joke here and there about how useless men are, how useless women are, how useless marriages, and and you get these, you know condolences, types of jokes, right? And it’s a brother for example who could have been crying to you a few years ago saying I need to get married and I’m struggling I I really need to find a wife and and and and and then the moment Allah gives him with marriage What does he start doing? to show that he’s a man, right? He’s married. Yeah, I’m married now, condolences Oh, I mean congratulations and I’m thinking to myself. Wow. It’s like you have forgotten yourself. You have forgotten who you are a few years ago. Now that Allah has blessed you, you are mocking it. This is not an institution to be mocked. You hear jokes like a person saying we saw a man who was at the funeral of his wife and he was standing at the grave of his wife, making Dua to Allah seeing all Allah she is divorced.
She is divorced, talaq, talaq They said to her why you trying to divorce her she’s already died. He says just in case she follows me into Jannah. She is my wife in jannah and we take this light heartedly is this an institution to be joked about? I would argue certainly No, in fact, one of these brothers himself during the course, he said sisters and he’s trying to be funny and I guess he says if you fall out, if you have a, if you have a Calamity in life, generally speaking try to keep a photo of your husband in your wallet, why he says so that whenever you were going through trauma in your life on a major Challenge and a big obstacle just take out the photo look at it and say to yourself if I can deal with that I can deal with anything else in life, and it will make you be able to deal with your challenge. How can somebody take marriage seriously after that it will send a message. If I am constantly mocking your car; your Vauxhall Astra, your Banger, You4 wreck, your HEAP of junk, your bone Rattler this that the other. will it not get to a point where you would look at your current think, you know what maybe it’s time for me to change, it if somebody is constantly dropping jokes about your looks, your ears, your nose, your color, your height your with, your way. Will you not go home and eventually look into the mirror and say my goodness, I need to be a little bit more self-conscious. Right? if somebody is constantly drumming into your head that marriage is ridiculous. Marriage is a cage, marriage is a project in prison blah blah blah blah. It has to affect a percentage of people. in that is the purpose of satire, satire By the way is not just about making people laugh that’s comedy. It’s about changing perceptions through amusements and ridicule and we can afford to do that when Allah Almighty said about this institution as what? A firm Covenant, what is even more worrying is that we are ridiculing the institution of marriage when the opposite is being glorified and promoted. So you … what am I left with? if the only Halal option which is marriage is being ridiculed. And we live in a society when the alternative is being promoted glorified, beautified What do we do in that situation?
And even in the Muslim filled themselves when for example a brother who’s having a hard time at home with his with his wife then he goes on to social media and he sees this beautiful reporters, beautiful presenters, carefully curated images, edited Instagram photos. What is he thinking? those jokes they start coming back and similarly a sister who may be having issues with her husband at home. Like we all do with our spouses and then she goes to the masjid, He goes to the University lecture Theatre to hear any Islamic lecture and they’re in front of her, is a Sheikh who looks ten out of ten. The beard is carefully trimmed. Maybe he Dyed to cover the greys and topi maybe that Im mama is absolutely picture-perfect crisp. He smells Gucci, Chanel everything and then she begins to compare what my husband does not speak that eloquently. He doesn’t look that good. My husband’s knowledge doesn’t come half to this man’s knowledge. And then the poor lady ends up thinking that this man looks like this 24 hours a day like he wakes up in the morning with Im mama on his head. He comes out of the bathroom with the carefully iron thobe the point of mentioning this year brothers and sister is that when we are mocking the institution of marriage, even if lightheartedly and on top of that add another layer of complexity the ooppoiste it is being glorified and Everything is exposed and we can see everything about everyone’s life today. What are you left with? we are left with a problem. You have James Sexton who is a divorce lawyer and he’s been in this field dealing with custody disputes for 20-odd years and there was an interview between him and someone called Sean ailing, Sean ailing he said to him. In your experience, you’ve had thousands of people coming in and out of your office dealing with marital dispute. What is your number one bit of advice for those people who are looking to get married? And what was the advice?
He said take marriage very seriously. And then he goes on to say consider it like a car and he says I hate to give the example of a car because some people Unfortunately they give more respect and more thought to the buying of a car than tying are not with another human being. He says like a car if you were to ask the average person. What is your dream car? What car would you like? You would say? I’d like a Ferrari. I’d like a Lambo. And then if you say to that person hold on a minute, the car that you’re going to have is going to be your only car and it will be with you for the rest of your life. Will it be the Ferrari or the lambo or will he required to re-evaluate the answer? He will re-evaluate the answer. Why? because we recognize that the car that you desire when you’re 20 years old is a little bit different than the car that you desire when you’re 30 years old, when you got two or three kids now wanting to join the ride. Take the marriage seriously. And understand that this is not just about pacifying, passion dealing with the romance with a person that you have just Crossroads with. but you are coming into the one of the biggest contracts in existence. Whereby when you are involved with this person. You are also involved with Allah. remember brothers and sisters that this man he is dear sisters your Paradise or your hell and remember dear brothers that this woman that you have married has taken from you a firm Covenant and I believe that many of the problems will be flushed out just by virtue of realizing the weight of this marriage and that can come through reading, through consultation, and through the attending of courses like this and others.
With the hope of saving the institution of marriage In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the information, With the same seriousness as He who has prepared it for you.
I am hopeful that our relationships, mine, yours those marriages that are going to be, those marriages that are struggling that Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala can and will mend them and this is the promise of Allah Almighty for those who resort to his book seeking guidance and after all this is a Quran based approached.
Principle number one: one of the most important of principles pertaining to the institution of marriage and everything else after it is a is a branch, is a subsidiary. This is part of the ayah where Allah Almighty said I have taken from you a firm Covenant, a strong agreement.
It’s more so about a perception, An inner appreciation of marriage that should change. That’s not something you shift. You move, you carry by yourself. This is a discussion now between you and yourself, nobody else.
The sheer amount of ramifications involved in terms of Rights and obligations and ownership and inheritance and hormones and children and the rest of it. They’re all connected to this institution of marriage and therefore Allah Almighty makes it clear to us that this is a serious agreement.
However, I’m sure you will agree that we live in a society that is very dismissive towards the institution of marriage. We live in a world that is highly antagonistic to marriage.
Why is it therefore that we don’t see it at least a lot of us, the importance of this institution and therefore the word of talaq, divorce is always on the tip of our tongues. t’s a pressure card that he’s used always threatening his wife with and it’s a request that she may be always making from him, divorce me, any situation They had divorced me. She says I will divorce you he says , that is a manifestation a reflection of a person or a couple who are looking down on the situation to tuition of marriage. on the Institution of marriage. Not that through the lens that Allah Almighty has given it.
Why is it that we don’t see it IE marriage, like maybe our fathers and our grandparents and our predecessors used to see it what has changed I suggest or posit that there are several things that have changed. The first thing is the element of education and Tarbiyah, past experiences from Haram relationships, due to movements isms in society, Wherever you look you find people mocking the institution, of marriage or actively speaking out against it suggesting that perhaps it should be cancelled altogether and replaced with something else.
By the way, it’s difficult to entirely blame them. a lot of these statements that you just heard that they are reactions to very terrible experiences that people have witnessed in the name of marriage.
So a lot of what you are hearing is a reaction to things that shouldn’t represent What marriage is about. So these are three reasons why some of us have a dismissive perception of marriage because these were being bombarded with these type of statements.
Another reason and this is number four is satire, mockery of marriage Even if it is coming as a joke and something light-hearted.
How the Sharia has shown you and I that this relationship of marriage is like none other wallahi if we were to apply this principle and appreciate it. Akbar I believe it will transform our relationships because you see this person in front of you husband or wife as one of your gateways to Allah as pleasure or or His Wrath . – Shaykh Ali Hammuda
When the shatiaan has given this topic [marriage] so much attention, why should we not give marriage this type of attention when shaitaan has given this topic so much more attention? It seems that shaitaan has a vested interest in separating husband and wife. And it’s one of those things that he celebrates a lot more with respect to sins that him and his troops they achieve and this was mentioned categorically in a Hadith.
The Prophet (S.A.W.S) said:
“Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” Shaytaan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him”
(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah).
The fact that, divorce is on the rise. in my own personal and short experience in the Islamic Council of Europe out of every 10 cases That are supposed to be mediating between people in every Avenue of life whether Financial, marital or whatever It may be out of every ten or so cases. I would say maybe nine of them are our divorce related, maybe more so we have a problem, shaitaan is working and many of these marriages could have been fixed. This is our motto We want to mend it rather than ending it. We want to find Solutions and divorced undoubtedly is a window that Allah has provided if all other options fail.
Look at what happens to the children? Iain Duncan Smith said Who emerge from broken homes are nine times more likely to commit crime then those children who come out from stable homes. That is a worrying statistic.
Look at the individual cost that happens when a husband and wife are falling out. Look at what happens to him what heart from an emotional psychological perspective.
The Perfect relationship between husband and wife doesn’t exist, why? Because, that doesn’t exist in Dunya. It exists in Jannah, but not in Dunya. – Shaykh Ali Hammuda
None of us are the same even in our thinking. We won’t think the same so, why did Allah make us different? Why do I think differently? You might be married to a person who doesn’t like everything you like. In fact, it will be it has to be it must be, subhanallah. Why have you thought of it?
It’s part of the plan of Allah. He wants us to master the art of living with difference of opinion with differences in our likes and dislike.
Even if you are born of one mother and one father look at the evidence from the time of Abel and Cain, from the time of Adam and Eve, may Allah bless them.
Small issues today and what do we do? It starts off in the heart, we become abusive. We start belittling. We start making people feel inferior. We say words that are hurtful. We say words that are harmful. We say abusive, vulgar words. Do you really think that you’re going to go far by saying these bad things? You have actually lost the plot even if you are making six Salah a day, you’re going nowhere.
Learn to be the best human being you can take a look at the globe, we are suffering simply because we want to impose our own thinking on the rest of the world. That’s why we are struggling. You, don’t do that.
And that does not mean you water down your own opinion. When I’m a Muslim, I will remain Muslim. I will believe what’s right and wrong based on my convictions. But how will I treat someone who disagrees with me? That is something we don’t know and we’re lacking and to me that’s one of the biggest reasons why we are at War today. Not only with the globe but even amongst ourselves.
You should be yourself unique, you don’t compromise your faith what you believe is right. You don’t compromise that. That doesn’t mean you have to belittle someone Else who has thought differently, who’s used the brain Allah gave them to arrive at a conclusion that you consider wrong.
You have to address people with respect from the very beginning. We were taught that as humankind and thereafter as the ummah of the one who was sent as a mercy to the rest, SubhanAllah, salallahu alaihe wasalam.
Do you Shout, Scream, yell, abusive, this that in your house? You don’t qualify. It’s not a house or a home. It’s just a dwelling.
When you qualify you will have a much better home. Subhanallah, you’re going to have a beautiful environment in that house. You will know how to speak, how to address people, how to tackle difference of opinion and so on.
We don’t even know how to talk to our own spouses. We have such a big disease as Muslims. I promise you, that when a divorce happens, it’s like the end of the world, go to the non-muslims and learn from them.
You have to have a big heart. You have to understand the children belong to both and fulfil their rights.
Trust me. We need to create an environment, we need to create an environment of respect of Love, of dignity.
Young man came to the prophet Peace be upon him He says o messenger give me advice the messenger peace be upon him told him don’t get angry.
We all need that advice because we get angry. When things don’t happen your way and you can calm down, you’re a true follower of that messenger Peace be upon him. You deserve his Intersession on the Day of Judgment. May Allah granted to us.
My brothers and sisters we get angry very fast when something in the home doesn’t happen, whether it’s the child or a spouse or a parent or a sibling, we could so upset us… and how we start venting bad words. And the Hadith is a True Believernever uses an abusive word.
You want Jannah, subhanallah tolerate the heat of the Dunya heat of the fire of jahannam. That to be considered the correct Muslim you must be disciplined, you have to be disciplined. If you’re not disciplined you’re going nowhere.
We belong to different sects as Muslims. How do we treat each other? simple your ego. Throw it out. Come out and say I’m sorry because the day will come when the almighty may not forgive you, subhanallah. – Mufti Menk
Increasingly people are becoming unhappy with their marriages. We need to try and resolve your matters, try and solve your problems. If you’re not going to be prepared to try and solve the matter, you’re not going to get anywhere.
I’ve been dealing with cases where the men are becoming greedy sometimes such that they don’t want to live with their wives because they’re either having an affair or they’re either leading some form of a dark life or they simply don’t like the wife anymore, they neither share intimate moments with them. They probably sleep separately with them. In a lot of cases and they don’t want to divorce them and they don’t want to do anything about it, they neither want to release them nor do they want to keep them properly. This is prohibited. the Quran says that you should not leave a person muAAallaqa, muAAallaqa meaning she’s hanging, neither can she say she’s married because the guy is not even behaving like a husband and there’s no rights being fulfilled nor she says she’s divorced because she doesn’t have the divorce.
So in that case normally the scholars are to come in and to resolve the matter. If need be they can nullify that marriage.
Some greedy men have gone away with the belongings of their wives. They go away with the belongings of their wives. My brothers, my sisters that mahr is owed to the woman. It is owed to her. It’s her right, if you don’t give it to her Allah will take it from you through sickness, through accidents, through some form of disaster that money is not yours. Allah will take it from you. So rather give it like a good boy. Allah does not leave people to oppress others. He gives you a chance to resolve the matter. That chance differs from person to person, the length of it.
If you release her, release her with honor, that’s the sign of a Muslim. Don’t involve your kids in the mess. it will stunt their growth.
When we think we’re holy but Allah tests you with things that are tough for you. You got to, throw your ego aside, throw it aside and do what’s right. You holding somebody’s money throw your ego give it. you’re holding somebody’s property, throw your ego, give it you don’t throw your ego, you’re going to pay a price for it and I’m not mincing my words you will pay and that payment will be very very heavy remember this.
Don’t talk bad about people after the divorce. It’s over. You didn’t get along with him someone else would get along with them. Control your anger, your temper, say good words, can’t you be a lovely person.
How can you steal the mahr of your wife how? What do you think Allah was going to do when Allah says in surahtul surah mujadilah; Allah says Allah has heard the one who is discussing with you or who is complaining to you about her husband, complaining to Allah (swt). Allah make it easy because we need to be human beings come on you should learn to love people and to care for them and to care for even those you dislike. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. One of the qualities of the wealthiest of people is that he or she can forgive, forgive, don’t hold it in your heart.
So let’s learn to release people or break… if we are going to break a relationship or a marriage or whatever else it should happen with honor and dignity with respect bearing in mind that when we came together, we came together with the name of Allah, many times when divorces happen people show their true colors and you cannot believe that you were actually married into this family. you want to see someone’s true colors, check what happens when things don’t go their way. – Mufti Menk
Differences are normal. You love your spouse. You will differ with your spouse. You love your children, your parents, your siblings whoever you love, you will never think exactly the same. There might be a little bit of common factor in thought but never 100% the same. That’s how the almighty made you. It’s how you deal with the difference that distinguishes the donkey from the horse.
That’s what distinguishes the one who is closer to the Almighty from the one who’s not. The way you react, the way you use your mind and the way your words come out it requires discipline. That will make you the best of people. Are you ready to speak with utmost respect in your home to begin with, refer to your loved ones as loved ones even if you had a difference?
Tell them how much you love them. the problem with us when things go wrong we open our mouths and we haven’t realized for 19 years things were going right.
The world is such today that people get married without knowing why they’re getting married. They don’t know what marriage is they’re coming together. The biggest sacrifice, that’s what marriage is.
But now it is very sadly and unfortunately the rate of divorce is so high? Can I tell you one of the reasons? When we get married and we don’t watch our tongues, things begin to go wrong because you didn’t watch your mouth and the Almighty warned you at the beginning when you were getting married watch your tongue.
We are not romantic enough but romance is being shown to those besides the one whom it is supposed to be shown to that I love you and the beautiful emoticons and emojis that are continuously being created on platforms that are increasing on a daily basis, all sent beautifully a thousand times mashallah but to the wrong number. That’s where we’re going wrong. If you had to send one tenth of those to the person they were supposed to go to you’d be having walima the following day la illah illa allah.
The prophet (saw) says it’s an act of charity: a good word is an act of charity which means it’s an act of worship. When you think before you speak you have actually worshiped Allah. Because you are using what he gave you and that’s your brain that’s what distinguishes man from animal is the brain, subhanAllah.
if you are really a pious person it shows in the softness of your character but if you’re reading one Quran every three days but you’re abusing someone that Quran you’re actually doing for someone else. watch your tongue, make people feel good, empower them,
If you would like to know maybe of the sisters here are being abused not just here but across the globe, by men who think that they are their bosses and you’re not. Our boss collectively is Allah. He is our maker. Fear Allah, be conscious on Him.
When you are hurting someone, when you’re abusing someone, when you are maltreating someone, remember it’s just a debt that shall be paid back in this world before the next. The Almighty will create someone one day to do exactly the same to you. if not you’re going to face the consequences on the day of judgment which will be even worse.
Moisten your tongue with the remembrance of Allah and you will never go wrong.
Remember one thing Islam is not only about five daily prayers, Islam is not only about going for Hajj, Islam is not only about giving charity, Islam is not only about fasting in Ramadan is is also and equally important protecting yourself from abusing others, from hurting others, from usurping their wealth, from doing something wrong to them as much as you have to fulfill the rights of Allah, you have to fulfill the rights of the rest of the creatures of Allah.
You want to change your life while you’re connecting to your Maker, learn to respect those whom the same Maker has created, starting with your spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) says the best from amongst you is he or she who is best to his or her spouse. Am I the best? I need to aim for that.
This motivational content is created from the lecture of Mufti Menk and Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury regarding How to deal the situation when a calamity strikes like going through divorce more than one, keep failing to get a job or suffering loss in a business .
#MuftiMenk makes mention of when a problem happens it’s not the end of the world but even if it was the end of the world who would you return to to Allah. So you say Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un; what’s happening you are doing something wrong, don’t react in that way the what’s happening you are doing something wrong, don’t react in that way the reaction of giving up #hope is not part of the dictionary of a mumin. A believer does not give up hope.
Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury gives a powerful speech on how tawakkul (the Islamic concept of reliance on God or “trusting in God’s plan”) makes a believer strong on the earth with taking action little bit beyond his/ her means when none is helping him / her in this duynia (the world).
The All-Loving 