Category: Marriage

Why Divorce For Trivial Matters! Listen To Save The Next Person | Parents Reminders ~ Shaykh Hasan Ali

You know, you have to admire our father’s generation, grandfather’s Generations.  Despite Decades of them having marital problems they stay together till the end until death departed them.

20 year olds and 30 year olds getting married and then within two years within months…. They are ending the relationship for trivial matters, for small things. I said it one thing the reason why I feel this is happening is because this generation that we have now this generation is a lot about not facing difficulties from a young age.

So parents have also in the last 20, 25, 30, years not given difficulties to the children. …removed all difficulties, you know, made it really easy for them. by the time they have then they are getting the married after a few years, you know, they’re not prepared for life.

No one saying you know shout at children.. But at least you know, you can be firm with children, the firmness with children and if you if you’re showing strength with children, children if you show softness to children, children grow up to be soft. And that’s why too soft is get married they don’t know how to deal with life’s troubles and life’s chaos and problems and so on and therefore, the easiest of me ,just get divorced for the most trivial matters, for the most smallest things that have probably happened in their life. And they want divorce, they want out and our parents and grandparents they stayed in there all the way till the end.

You don’t know what how many problems you have. You’ve got to understand that it’s more important to try and you know get to the end. And keep to your vows and remember that you know, you took a vow in front of Allah Azawajal when you got married, it’s not a small thing.

Divorce is there’s an emergency exit and is needed by some people. Yes, we can definitely reduce the number of divorces if people were to, you know, take life more seriously. if they first  haven’t up bringing those more serious and if they then knew how to deal with life’s problems and their trivial matters and so on.

please get the message out, be more firm with children And at the same time be, you know, be people who are ready for marriage and who got a serious intention to stay together all the way to the end unless something major comes out. Don’t look at the emergency exits.

The Most Difficult Part Of A Marriage | A warning Of Prophet Muhammed’(ﷺ) From His Deathbed | Mufti Menk

Don’t underestimate the value and the power of dua. Dua can actually get for you something you might have thought was impossible. But there is nothing impossible for allah. The biggest gift that you and I could give the bride and the groom is actually a du’a more than anything else.

The easiest part of any marriage is its Officiation.  The most difficult part is after that. Where the rights come into play, you have to live with each other. You’ve been brought up in absolutely different homes to the degree that if you were brought up in a similar home or the same home you would not be allowed to get married if you were Mahram.

One of the sacrifices that allah subhanahu wa ta’ala wants you to make is to be able to adjust to be able to fulfill the rights upon. The deathbed of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he got up and said something. He said I’m warning you about your treatment of women.

The most difficult part of a marriage is to be able to adjust, to be able to sacrifice, to be able to not only develop the trust with one another but to abstain from that which might cause blemish in the trust.

You want something to go right? Both of you have to make an effort. If both don’t make an effort it will go wrong.  So, we must develop ourselves, we must develop our character. A good happy marriage is based on trust. It’s based on sacrifice and communication but over and above that the relationship with Allah.

t-Tawakkul ‘ala Allah is the cornerstone of a happy marriage. If your aim is the pleasure of Allah and your spouse’s aim is the pleasure of Allah and you have develop your your character and your conduct, what can go wrong in that marriage?

Another very interesting point that is mentioned in the verses of nikkah is the issue of the tongue. To use your tongue in the straightway, in the best possible way, speak properly. Don’t say bad words, hurtful words, don’t cause hurt and abuse. Allah says, watch your tongue. It’s one of the things you can do to earn the pleasure of Allah, to protect your deeds and to forgive to achieve the forgiveness of these sins, more so within marriage. 90 or more percent of problems within marriage are connected to the tongue.

The prophet (saw) says the hadith says the best from amongst you is the one who is best to his wife. The one who is best to his own family that’s where charity begins… Charity begins at that point. – Mufti Menk

Want To Control Everyone! The Biggest Mistake | Wife Lover ~ Mufti Menk

My brothers my sisters, like I said on earth you will have days when mashallah, as you grow older. At how things have changed, right? But we remember the days. When you look at yourself now aren’t you a little bit lonely? Well, Allah is telling you well build a relationship with me now, come SubhanAllah, la ilaha ilallah,….

You know your children no matter how many you have they’re going to get married, the biggest mistake we make we want to control, control who? Everyone else… listen to a certain extent you can let them know even your own children, you can let them know what to do what not to do but control… trust me you will develop a huge problem if you want to control everyone around.

We want to control everyone around us. We break our families and communities into pieces because we want to have the only say. You must listen to everyone and you must do that which is beneficial for the community but you do have a final say because there has to be one leader who decides.

I’d love to have Eid the same way we’ve had it when we were young, when all the brothers and sisters got together on the day of Eid but guess what? Now they start getting married. Each one of them has their own children.

It’s not fair to always have Eid in one place, I need to make sure that I.. Let loose a little bit, I will be a bit …the Eids are not going to be like they were all the time. I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid, break loose you still United, didn’t I say? May Allah give us unity.

You can still be united. You know what? For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… don’t force yours on them, for as long as it has some form of validation in Islam let it be. The minute you try to force you will destroy.. There will be disunity. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented.

It’s very important for us to know that life has lessons. We don’t learn them sometimes. Allah says you know when you’re young it’s not going to be the same as you grow older. When you grow older things have to change. The baton is passed on.

Yes, we are human yes we do have human nature. But we should be disciplining it with the discipline of Islam. it will help us. it will take us to jannatul ferdous, it will make us the best of people. Don’t be too hard and fast on others even your own family members. Sometimes we are too hard on our own spouses.

I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid. Break loose you still united. For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… The minute you try to force you will destroy. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented. – Mufti Menk

Caught Illicit Affairs Of Spouse! No Forgiveness! Listen & Your Discretion ~ Mufti Menk

Oh people! The promise of the almighty is the truth. World deceive you. It is very temporary and it is very fake, subhanAllah, and don’t let the big deceiver deceive you, Shaitaan; the devil, the big deceiver.  He gonna come and try and make you do things that you’re not supposed to be doing. The almighty says its okay, Turn back to me as you turn back to the Almighty, He wipes out your sin. As He’s wiped out your sin the devil comes back and says no, you’re not forgiven. That almighty is not merciful.

The Almighty is not merciful. That’s a bigger sin than the sin you committed initially. Initially it was a sin out of your weakness. Now it’s a sin questioning who the Almighty is and denying one of His qualities known as the most merciful or the most forgiving, the most compassionate. So be careful be careful of the deception of this world.

Nobody from amongst us is perfect, not a soul, because part of the plan of the Almighty is human desire will lead you towards things that you’re not supposed to be doing. You may fall out of human weakness. Not because you’re defying Allah but you didn’t want to do it but you fell.

If you are walking here and you trip what would you do? Get up and do what? Keep walking, right? And even other persons coming and you turn around and see them what will you tell them? Be careful right? The winners are those who when they trip they get up and they keep going. We’re not perfect. Perfection is for the hereafter. When I am in here I shouldn’t lose hope number one but I need to keep trying to develop my relationship with Allah.

When you’re conscious of Allah and you have a relationship with Allah and you love Allah and that Allah is so close to you within your heart and you want to prove to Him that you love Him, wouldn’t you love everything that He has made? Even if you disagree with some of the people around you, your character will ensure that you don’t insult them or abuse them.

When I’m a pious person close to Allah I learned to love everyone to care for them, to treat them equally because they’re all the creatures of Allah. I will give them importance simply because they were created by the same one whom I’m trying to prove my love to. Be respectful; show it in your character.

Allah says in your life no matter what deeds you’ve done Allah says if you seek forgiveness I will forgive you.

When people are caught in immoral relations or illicit Affairs when they are married and the spouse catches them and says you know what? That’s the blessing of Allah that you were caught. You know why? Now you’re going to give it up, inshallah.

 

 

Nowadays people are not so forgiving, so if you’re caught, they’re gonna say I want out. I tell you my brothers and sisters not everyone who’s committed the sin is an evil person. They may have made a mistake. sometimes Allah wanted you to see something because he loved them so much and He knows by you making a big deal out of it that person’s gonna quit the habit and become such a better person, subhanAllah.

So it doesn’t mean that I need a divorce straight away. Don’t just listen to the world the world tells you the minute you catch your spouse doing something wrong that’s it, go home. I’ll tell you not necessarily means if the person is a good person, they taking care of you you’re taking care of each other, there’s a lot of respect, there’s kindness, there’s fulfilment of rights… mend it and keep the same Mercedes.

But if the person is evil and abusive and hurtful and they don’t fulfill their rights and they don’t dis and they don’t that and then you catch them doing X Y & Z then perhaps you might want to look into final separation that was the last stroke, gone.

Holding Back That Talaq! Nullification of Marriage / Divorce By Women In Islam~Mufti Menk | Goosebumps Reminder

Increasingly people are becoming unhappy with their marriages. We need to try and resolve your matters, try and solve your problems. If you’re not going to be prepared to try and solve the matter, you’re not going to get anywhere.

I’ve been dealing with cases where the men are becoming greedy sometimes such that they don’t want to live with their wives because they’re either having an affair or they’re either leading some form of a dark life or they simply don’t like the wife anymore, they neither share intimate moments with them. They probably sleep separately with them. In a lot of cases and they don’t want to divorce them and they don’t want to do anything about it, they neither want to release them nor do they want to keep them properly. This is prohibited. the Quran says that you should not leave a person muAAallaqa, muAAallaqa meaning she’s hanging, neither can she say she’s married because the guy is not even behaving like a husband and there’s no rights being fulfilled nor she says she’s divorced because she doesn’t have the divorce.

So in that case normally the scholars are to come in and to resolve the matter. If need be they can nullify that marriage.

Some greedy men have gone away with the belongings of their wives. They go away with the belongings of their wives. My brothers, my sisters that mahr is owed to the woman. It is owed to her. It’s her right, if you don’t give it to her Allah will take it from you through sickness, through accidents, through some form of disaster that money is not yours. Allah will take it from you. So rather give it like a good boy. Allah does not leave people to oppress others. He gives you a chance to resolve the matter. That chance differs from person to person, the length of it.

If you release her, release her with honor, that’s the sign of a Muslim. Don’t involve your kids in the mess. it will stunt their growth.

When we think we’re holy but Allah tests you with things that are tough for you. You got to, throw your ego aside, throw it aside and do what’s right. You holding somebody’s money throw your ego give it. you’re holding somebody’s property, throw your ego, give it you don’t throw your ego, you’re going to pay a price for it and I’m not mincing my words you will pay and that payment will be very very heavy remember this.

Don’t talk bad about people after the divorce. It’s over. You didn’t get along with him someone else would get along with them. Control your anger, your temper, say good words, can’t you be a lovely person.

How can you steal the mahr of your wife how?  What do you think Allah was going to do when Allah says in surahtul surah mujadilah; Allah says Allah has heard the one who is discussing with you or who is complaining to you about her husband, complaining to Allah (swt). Allah make it easy because we need to be human beings come on you should learn to love people and to care for them and to care for even those you dislike. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. One of the qualities of the wealthiest of people is that he or she can forgive, forgive, don’t hold it in your heart.

So let’s learn to release people or break… if we are going to break a relationship or a marriage or whatever else it should happen with honor and dignity with respect bearing in mind that when we came together, we came together with the name of Allah, many times when divorces happen people show their true colors and you cannot believe that you were actually married into this family.  you want to see someone’s true colors, check what happens when things don’t go their way. – Mufti Menk

One Of The Worst Questions To A Married Couple – Mufti Menk

Children are a gift from Allah but they can also be a source of stress and distress. so when Allah has given you children, thank Him and ask Him to help you to raise them. When Allah has not given you children, thank Him and be reassured that He has protected you from something or He knows something that you don’t know. That’s why He did not give you the child.

You know what is one of the worst questions, you can ever ask a married couple? When are you going to have children? That’s a very bad question. You know why? In a lot of cases it’s not even in their hands. They want to have the children but they cannot.

Infertility is increasing on the global level. I don’t know if you are aware of that.

Pray for people rather than asking a question that will bring tears to the eyes of the couple or at least the woman. May Allah grant us ease.

And then people start looking and saying I know the problem is with her not with him. How do you know? Even if they told you I know of a sister whom.. They don’t have children and the issue is with the husband but she takes the blame for that man, subhanAllah. She says no, no, it is an issue with me.

I say look at this she wants the honor for that man who would do that? I want to say something controversial. I don’t think many men would take blame for their women.

Why Marriages Go Wrong & Its Prevention [Powerful] ~ Mufti Menk

Differences are normal. You love your spouse. You will differ with your spouse. You love your children, your parents, your siblings whoever you love, you will never think exactly the same. There might be a little bit of common factor in thought but never 100% the same. That’s how the almighty made you. It’s how you deal with the difference that distinguishes the donkey from the horse.

That’s what distinguishes the one who is closer to the Almighty from the one who’s not. The way you react, the way you use your mind and the way your words come out it requires discipline. That will make you the best of people. Are you ready to speak with utmost respect in your home to begin with, refer to your loved ones as loved ones even if you had a difference?

Tell them how much you love them. the problem with us when things go wrong we open our mouths and we haven’t realized for 19 years things were going right.

The world is such today that people get married without knowing why they’re getting married. They don’t know what marriage is they’re coming together. The biggest sacrifice, that’s what marriage is.

But now it is very sadly and unfortunately the rate of divorce is so high? Can I tell you one of the reasons? When we get married and we don’t watch our tongues, things begin to go wrong because you didn’t watch your mouth and the Almighty warned you at the beginning when you were getting married watch your tongue.

We are not romantic enough but romance is being shown to those besides the one whom it is supposed to be shown to that I love you and the beautiful emoticons and emojis that are continuously being created on platforms that are increasing on a daily basis, all sent beautifully a thousand times mashallah but to the wrong number. That’s where we’re going wrong. If you had to send one tenth of those to the person they were supposed to go to you’d be having walima the following day la illah illa allah.

The prophet (saw) says it’s an act of charity: a good word is an act of charity which means it’s an act of worship. When you think before you speak you have actually worshiped Allah. Because you are using what he gave you and that’s your brain that’s what distinguishes man from animal is the brain, subhanAllah.

if you are really a pious person it shows in the softness of your character but if you’re reading one Quran every three days but you’re abusing someone that Quran you’re actually doing for someone else. watch your tongue, make people feel good, empower them,

If you would like to know maybe of the sisters here are being abused not just here but across the globe, by men who think that they are their bosses and you’re not. Our boss collectively is Allah. He is our maker. Fear Allah, be conscious on Him.

When you are hurting someone, when you’re abusing someone, when you are maltreating someone, remember it’s just a debt that shall be paid back in this world before the next. The Almighty will create someone one day to do exactly the same to you. if not you’re going to face the consequences on the day of judgment which will be even worse.

 

Moisten your tongue with the remembrance of Allah and you will never go wrong.

Remember one thing Islam is not only about five daily prayers, Islam is not only about going for Hajj, Islam is not only about giving charity, Islam is not only about fasting in Ramadan is is also and equally important protecting yourself from abusing others, from hurting others, from usurping their wealth, from doing something wrong to them as much as you have to fulfill the rights of Allah, you have to fulfill the rights of the rest of the creatures of Allah.

You want to change your life while you’re connecting to your Maker, learn to respect those whom the same Maker has created, starting with your spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) says the best from amongst you is he or she who is best to his or her spouse. Am I the best? I need to aim for that.

  • Mufti Menk