Children are a gift from Allah but they can also be a source of stress and distress. so when Allah has given you children, thank Him and ask Him to help you to raise them. When Allah has not given you children, thank Him and be reassured that He has protected you from something or He knows something that you don’t know. That’s why He did not give you the child.
You know what is one of the worst questions, you can ever ask a married couple? When are you going to have children? That’s a very bad question. You know why? In a lot of cases it’s not even in their hands. They want to have the children but they cannot.
Infertility is increasing on the global level. I don’t know if you are aware of that.
Pray for people rather than asking a question that will bring tears to the eyes of the couple or at least the woman. May Allah grant us ease.
And then people start looking and saying I know the problem is with her not with him. How do you know? Even if they told you I know of a sister whom.. They don’t have children and the issue is with the husband but she takes the blame for that man, subhanAllah. She says no, no, it is an issue with me.
I say look at this she wants the honor for that man who would do that? I want to say something controversial. I don’t think many men would take blame for their women.
Differences are normal. You love your spouse. You will differ with your spouse. You love your children, your parents, your siblings whoever you love, you will never think exactly the same. There might be a little bit of common factor in thought but never 100% the same. That’s how the almighty made you. It’s how you deal with the difference that distinguishes the donkey from the horse.
That’s what distinguishes the one who is closer to the Almighty from the one who’s not. The way you react, the way you use your mind and the way your words come out it requires discipline. That will make you the best of people. Are you ready to speak with utmost respect in your home to begin with, refer to your loved ones as loved ones even if you had a difference?
Tell them how much you love them. the problem with us when things go wrong we open our mouths and we haven’t realized for 19 years things were going right.
The world is such today that people get married without knowing why they’re getting married. They don’t know what marriage is they’re coming together. The biggest sacrifice, that’s what marriage is.
But now it is very sadly and unfortunately the rate of divorce is so high? Can I tell you one of the reasons? When we get married and we don’t watch our tongues, things begin to go wrong because you didn’t watch your mouth and the Almighty warned you at the beginning when you were getting married watch your tongue.
We are not romantic enough but romance is being shown to those besides the one whom it is supposed to be shown to that I love you and the beautiful emoticons and emojis that are continuously being created on platforms that are increasing on a daily basis, all sent beautifully a thousand times mashallah but to the wrong number. That’s where we’re going wrong. If you had to send one tenth of those to the person they were supposed to go to you’d be having walima the following day la illah illa allah.
The prophet (saw) says it’s an act of charity: a good word is an act of charity which means it’s an act of worship. When you think before you speak you have actually worshiped Allah. Because you are using what he gave you and that’s your brain that’s what distinguishes man from animal is the brain, subhanAllah.
if you are really a pious person it shows in the softness of your character but if you’re reading one Quran every three days but you’re abusing someone that Quran you’re actually doing for someone else. watch your tongue, make people feel good, empower them,
If you would like to know maybe of the sisters here are being abused not just here but across the globe, by men who think that they are their bosses and you’re not. Our boss collectively is Allah. He is our maker. Fear Allah, be conscious on Him.
When you are hurting someone, when you’re abusing someone, when you are maltreating someone, remember it’s just a debt that shall be paid back in this world before the next. The Almighty will create someone one day to do exactly the same to you. if not you’re going to face the consequences on the day of judgment which will be even worse.
Moisten your tongue with the remembrance of Allah and you will never go wrong.
Remember one thing Islam is not only about five daily prayers, Islam is not only about going for Hajj, Islam is not only about giving charity, Islam is not only about fasting in Ramadan is is also and equally important protecting yourself from abusing others, from hurting others, from usurping their wealth, from doing something wrong to them as much as you have to fulfill the rights of Allah, you have to fulfill the rights of the rest of the creatures of Allah.
You want to change your life while you’re connecting to your Maker, learn to respect those whom the same Maker has created, starting with your spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) says the best from amongst you is he or she who is best to his or her spouse. Am I the best? I need to aim for that.
One of the biggest diseases is when we worry about others. So, many problems come about because people worry about what others are going to say; brother, lead your life, the others will follow.
If we followed the proper system that of Islam that is so simple; free of racism, nepotism, tribalism, whatever else ISM and free of materialism etc, we would have been married a long time back.
One of the reasons why we’re not happy in our families is we’re blocking what Allah did not block. Remember this, we stopping what Allah did not stop.
So how can you be happy? How are you going to have a happy home? Towards our happy home you want to walk in that direction.
The hadith says if the Deen is good if the Akhlaq (manners) are great and so on and the both of them would like to marry one another. If you’re not going to let that happen? The same hadith says there will be fitna (distress) and Fasad (rottenness) on earth. People don’t want to hear that hadith. Sometimes religious people don’t want to hear it.
A lot of the people are suffering. Make things, easy make halal easy Allah will give you happiness. If you make halal easy you’ve made haram difficult and if you made halal difficult you made haram easy.
Don’t let your pride and your ego drive you beyond what Allah has told you, not at all.
If Allah wanted he could have created a singular so you have no family. It’s just me. If he wanted he could have done that we could have grown from the ground like the trees, know it’s just me. I’m alone, singular but Allah wanted us to feel better to have a type of a life where we are empowered by those around us. They support us so we live and we can actually have interactions that are beneficial for us. Every interaction will either take you towards Jannah which is paradise or towards Hellfire which is Jahannam every, interaction is one of the two.
Every time something happens ask yourself if the Prophet (saw) was here what would he have told me and it does Allah allowed all these or does he not allow it? How can I actually earn a reward and how can I protect myself from the opposite, as simple as that?
People are stressed you know what? They can’t show that stress to the people they work with because they’re big guys there. They want to impress the girls at work. so they don’t show them any bad habits, nothing but you go home first thing, you start swearing, you start screaming, you start shouting, you start showing your real self, subhanAllah.
SubhanAllah, that’s why the Prophet (saw) says you know who the best person is, the one who’s best to his family members, always the best. You know why? that person has shown the family that when I’m upset I’m still a good guy, when I’m angry I’m still a good guy, when I’m hungry I’m still a good guy, when I’ve suffered a bad day I’m still a good guy, when I’ve suffered the loss I’m still a good guy and I’m always a good guy. Then you’re really a good guy SubhanAllah. But if you’re a good guy outside the home and when you come back home then you’re not a good guy at all. Who knows better what type of a person you are? Those are at home. So that’s the reason why the prophet (saw) tells us watch who you are. You want to reallyknow who a man is, go ask his wife. You want to really know who a woman is ask the husband or ask the family members.
Be honest be upright, you lose a deal because of your honesty; no problem, Allah will give you Baraka, Baraka in it.
Blessings are snatched away when sins are committed remember that. You have the best spouse, the best person Allah chose for you as a husband or as a wife. You cannot see it because you know what? You’re involved in other sins. so you’re blinded. Blinded by whom? By Shaitaan, your home is no longer happy because your relationship with Allah is weak; your relationship with Shaitaan has become strong. Your relationship with Shaitaan becomes strong you become blind what happens to the blindness? The is the best wife on earth, I don’t want to say but perhaps I should.. Should I? People would die to be married to your wife and you’re still alive…
We couldn’t see that. we’re we’re blinded because there’s some sin blinded because there’s some sin happening either this Haram income there, either this Haram relationships there, either this Haram food there, either there’s something wrong happening there, either there’s no Salah; there’s no connection with Allah. So the coolness of the eyes will not be achieved because the heat of the sin has overtaken that saying, point number one: develop your relationship with Allah. – Mufti Menk
End of surat al-Furqan Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala talks about certain prayers that are made by those who are close to Allah. One of them is in the 25th surah, Surah Furqan, verse 74.
Imagine a guy married for 20 years. Following his wife just looking at her face and smiling, la ilaha illaallah that that is real mashallah, what’s wrong with it? When you do something like that it’s actually a Ibadah (prayer). Someone feel worthwhile with as they develop the wrinkles on their faces, you adored them more, and you made them feel worthwhile. You know what? If she is aging you’re aging too, subhanAllah.
You need to look, you need to appreciate, you need to acknowledge, and you need to say good words, try it out at home today.
A lot of us lack romance in our homes, the prophet (SAW) talks the prophet (SAW) talks about it.
I’ve had people come to complain saying you know what we haven’t been intimate in two years.
The prophet Muhammed (saw) said to be intimate with your spouse is an act of worship and an act of charity.
Appreciate your spouse; they sacrificed a lot for you.
Towards a happy family you need to know say good words to your children; tell them how much you love them. no matter how old you are. Learn to respect others. Learn to respect the people, your own family members, talk to them, and communicate with them. Open your heart to them, help them, help them to achieve anything they want to achieve for as long as it’s not Haram let it be, Allah will guide, Allah will open the rest of the doors of the entire Ummah. . – Mufti Menk
What does it mean to actually get the dua of your mother? When your mom or your parents will actually say oh Allah and they’ll have something that is favorable to you implied in that dua.
Allah has ordered excellence to both of your parents and then specifying the mother that she carried you in pain, she gave birth to you in pain, she fed you in pain, she nurtured you in pain, and she went through all of that for you. She deserves that honor .
oh my lord honor him and have mercy on him the way that he has dignified me and obeyed me in my old age – Mother of abu hurairah (ra)
That singled dua is so precious I there is no limit to that dua, no limit to that supplication of appearance.
The dua of a mother could even get you the companionship of a prophet. And more than all of that, it could bring barakah in your life and acceptance in the hereafter in ways that nothing else can.
That blessing is induced through natural service, do things that will naturally induce a good dua,
if your parents are not alive then just as when they are alive you are to honor them with that goodness then honor them with good deeds in their name that sadaqah jariyah and those deeds will reach them and on the day of judgment they will be holding those good deeds that you did on their behalf and testifying in front of Allah (swt) for you.
If the dua of a mother can bring that much baraka on a person’s life, you better want your spouse to get that dua from their mother. husband and wife part of your making your spouse a more complete Muslim and getting that dua, and getting that baraka in life that potential … pleasure in the hereafter is when they get those duas from their parents. don’t see your mother-in-law as an opponent in that sense of Kadima because it may be the kidma that your husband or wife gives to their mother that brings that Baraka in your married life and in your life in general and your acceptance in the hereafter, don’t see them as opponents, help your spouse honor their parents.
We were asking a question; are you prepared or are you ready to be a spouse, whether it’s a husband or a wife? Do you have what it takes to be a spouse? Do you know the qualities that t are required for a person to qualify to be a spouse.
If you don’t have communication skills you cannot succeed in a marriage. You need to be very patient, patience is the cornerstone. Patience is a quality that is required for you to be qualified as a person ready to get married. If you don’t have patience, you don’t know how to talk to people.
So if you don’t have patience you end up divorcing people. You end up not realizing that the problems can be resolved.
You need to learn to be slightly selfless. if you’re selfish you’re not going to get along even with the best of the globe. If you address the matters in a beautiful way you will be able to succeed in your marriage.
You need to learn how to talk to people, you need to be patient. You need to be selfless to a great degree, learn to accommodate others.
Sometimes you don’t like to do certain things. You have to learn to like to do certain things that you may not ideally like to do, simply to put a smile on the faces of those whom you love.
So this is the reason why it’s important for us to actually develop these qualities before we get married.
We need to be very kind and kindness begins at home. You need to be generous, don’t be miserly, don’t waste.
How many times are you prepared to utter beautiful words to your spouse? Words of love, words of kindness, politeness, how many times do you look at your spouse and you actually say Beautiful words to them.
When you have an issue becomes a screaming and yelling match, lower your voice.
It’s important for us to know that when you haven’t developed yourself, you really are not ready to get married really. You need to make sure that that you develop your characteristics, your qualities have feeling within you, have mercy. if we don’t have mercy within you, the other person will not you know be merciful either. If you’re not merciful on your spouse you will never have the mercy of Allah (swt).
A spouse is someone whom you are ready to help; they’re ready to help you.- Mufti Menk
