Nikkah/ marriage comes with great responsibility. And this responsibility is something that definitely needs to be fulfilled from all parties and by all parties.
The words given by Allah (swt) repeated by Rasulallah (pbuh), wherein he says, … Be conscious of Allah. Remember, you are taking each other with the name of Allah. Don’t do that which will displease Allah.
You must learn not to be too fussy about things. You must learn not to want things your way all the time. It’s an act of worship.
The problem with us when we want to control the lives of others, It depicts the biggest weakness in us.
It’s important for us to work on our marriages, like I said, we may have turbulence. It’s normal to have a few disagreements, a few misunderstandings. But it’s not normal to make that a source of abuse and a source of discord to the degree of belittling someone hurting them, harming them. No. Let’s solve our problems.
Sometimes you have to compromise that thing or two. You’ll never get 100%. If you get 80, 90, oh, 80 is brilliant. MashaAllah, 80% compatibility. That’s like a match made in heaven. 20%, You have to compromise.
Mahr is not a competition. Look after my daughter. Even if you didn’t give much, it’s fine. I want you to respect my child. That’s it.
In Surah An-Nisa, which is obviously dedicated to the women. One thing that is clear in the Surah; Allah has repeated the issue of Justice several times in the Surah.
Many of us are guilty for not being just when it comes to our women folk; Be it our wives, be it our mothers, our sisters, sometimes our daughters and even our in-laws and so on.
May Allah (swt) grant us an understanding that when we came, we brought nothing. When we are going to leave, we will leave with nothing besides our deeds. So this whole world is actually there for us to do as many good deeds as we can.
Allah will throw into your examination; Women, wives, children, parents, siblings, in-laws, business partners, whoever else. Allah throws them into your test in order to see what do you do?
this is why, when it comes to laws of money, there is no other Act of worship that Allah has mentioned in such great detail than that of the wealth that you leave behind when you die. There are very few minor differences of opinion when it comes to inheritance. There are very few minor differences of opinion when it comes to inheritance.
So I call on you, my brothers and sisters, to learn the rules of inheritance, to learn that the money is not yours. The wealth that you found on Earth belonged to Allah.
Today, for some petty reasons, your father could tell you divorce your wife. What is right for you to do; You need to ask yourself, Is my father right, or is my wife right? The answer is, when it comes to who is right, you’ve got to look at what the issue is.
Sometimes you might have to protect your wife from the harm of your own mother, and sometimes you might have to protect your mother from the harm of your own wife.
What’s the point of me failing in the last moments when I’m about to meet with Allah (swt)? And my will is totally upside down, completely unislamic, totally in the opposite direction of the instruction of Allah. And that’s the last thing I needed to do as I left. You’re not going to take your wealth with you.
The Prophet (pbuh) has told us about a people that show up on the Day of Judgment. And this is perhaps the scariest thing of them all; completely bankrupt. The prophet (Pbuh) said, a person comes on the Day of Judgment and they have their prayers, they have their fasting, they have their charity, but they cursed this person. They mocked this person, they hit this person, and they backbit this person. They have all of these wrongdoings that they committed against the people so that the people line up in front of them on the Day of Judgment and they take their good deeds away from the transgressor.
A person is left with absolutely nothing to the point that they still have those that they owe, but they don’t have any good deeds left.
And the Prophet (Pbuh) mentions at that point that those that they have wrong but still have not gotten their recourse, they will put their sins on you. And so you’ll end up exchanging your good deeds for no good deeds and then eventually being burdened in the sins of of other people because you have no more good deeds to give to the people that are lined up in front of you.
Allah has made sacred the honor of people and Allah (swt) has made sacred the rights of people. And so you have to be very careful not to transgress.
The time for reconciliation and how we start to make up with people that we may have hurt or people that we were hurt by, where there was a mutual hurting that took place.
Number one, that a person, first and foremost has to come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it. It’s not worth losing out on the pleasure of Allah (swt). I don’t want my needs to not be looked at by Allah because I refuse to put my ego to the side and reconcile with this person. So I will reconcile with this person.
The second thing is that the entire exercise of Ramadan is the preference of Allah to yourself, right? to swallow your anger and to part in the people is one of the greatest exercises of preferring Allah (Swt) to yourself.
As Wadil (Rah) says, the nufs of ego is so much harder to overcome and so when you swallow that, and when you pardon people and when you reconcile and you put your nufs down, that is the greatest show to Allah (Swt), that you are seeking Him over yourself, that you are seeking His pleasure over your own pleasure, that you are willing to go through the difficulties of that process so that you could find ease on the day of judgment.
The third thing, that the prophet (pbuh) reminded us that when we are in a place of anger, that we want to disconnect ourselves from acting while the Satan is overtaking us, what does that mean?
The fourth thing: family, right now, we are seeing a time in which people cut off their lineage and to sever the ties of kinship / Ar- Rahim is far more severe than severing the ties with anyone else, and those ties are tied to the throne of Allah (swt). And whoever severs the ties, then Allah (swt) severs them.
If the sin of ignoring your brother for three days is so severe than what then of the sin of ignoring your parents, ignoring your spouses, ignoring your siblings for more than three days?
So reconciliation with family should be prioritized, because the relationship with family is so much more sacred and so much more precious than any other relationship that you’re going to find in your life.
Number five and I don’t want to be little in any way. if a person maintains a difficult relationship or a person holds a grudge, that holding of the grudge will directly burden you and hold you back from being able to take that next step towards Allah (swt).
When you remove a grudge and when you reconcile when you get over that hump, it allows you to focus on your spirituality because we are creatures that only have a certain capacity and in our limited capacity, If we fill that capacity with hatred or if we fill it with a grudge, then we can’t sleep at night, can’t think about other things during the day, we can’t fill our hearts with the love of Allah (swt) because we’re too busy filling them with the hatred of someone else.
We can’t experience the Sakina / the tranquility of our prayers because we’re too busy focused on the distraction and the enmity and the hatred and the hardship that comes with a difficult relationship or someone that we’re upset with or someone that we feel wronged by.
Ramadan is a time for us to set new paths towards Allah (swt). It’s time for the good doers to excel further; it’s a time for the sinners to abandon their sins.
Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting SubhanAllah, when a person is talking about fasting from drinking, you don’t want to drink the poison of a grudge. You wait for the other person to be hurt. But at the end of the day, you are the one that remains in a state of pain.
And so doing away with that grudge is like doing away with that poison that you have been drinking and that has been holding you back And Allah knows how hard it is to forgive, And that’s why Allah (swt) forgives those that forgive.
People going through divorce; divorce is becoming like a trend, like a trend: you married! You got to ask the guy, are you still married after two years?
It’s not bad to actually be divorced for the right reasons or to divorce for the right reasons, but when it becomes trend it is scary.
We are not prepared to sacrifice for one another anymore. We’re not prepared to forgive one another anymore.
We want to perfect human being who’s spotless without any weaknesses. That’s we’re looking for. Well, that you will only find in Paradise, if you ever get there.
When divorce happens, it’s not the end of the world. Perhaps, it is the door for you to then get to someone else. Had you not been through your first relationship, you would never have gotten to this much much better person that you subsequently got married to.
The moral is never give up, we go through challenges, and we go through hardship. Let’s look forward, let’s progress.
People sit and say, I’m going to fix the Ex of mine. Do you know what? Just move on. By making someone else’s life difficult, it’s not going to make your life easy. You want ease? Close a chapter, open a new one. Let’s move forward, Thank Allah, beautiful relationship, and that’s more.
We Need To Strike A Balance. A Balance Between What’s Happening On The Ground, Understanding It, Doing Something About It, Living Your Life, Fulfilling Your Responsibilities To Allah And To Your Family And At The Same Time Trying To Make Sure That When You Die You Go To A Good Place And Those Whom You Leave Behind Will Be Left Behind In A Good Place As Well. What A Big Challenge!
A Big Challenge! Subhanallah, May Allah Make It Easy For Us.
Who have not yet chosen the spouse and even if you have try and go back and see the qualities that you have looked at and develop on them, develop them…
When you choose a spouse, the Hadith says: there are several things that people look at; some people look at wealth, some people look at Beauty, some people look at the status of the person and some people look at the lineage of the person and some people look at the deen and the religion of the person.
The Hadith says become successful by selecting the the one with religion, with character and conduct, coupled with Deen / religion.
From the hadith, when a proposal comes from someone; whom you are satisfied with their level of character and conduct or in fact starting with the level of Deen and character then allow them to get married, allow them to marry.
Two things: character and deen
If someone comes and they good-looking okay, they have a better deen in them. It is better for you to compromise the looks to a certain extent And make sure that the religion is intact then to go only for looks because the plan of Allah is there will come a stage when that blemish less face will develop wrinkles; If you have loved the outward face, you will not be able to get along with that woman.
Because if you have loved the interior, it only blossoms as time passes. with the wrinkles of the face the wrinkles of the heart disappear.
Have you ever thought of that with the wrinkles of the face, the wrinkles of the heart disappear?
The beauty of Islam is such that from the beginning whether it is the upbringing of the child or how to select a spouse, Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala has laws in place that will help you from the family fragmenting, breaking up.
So, if we follow the rules from the very beginning then we will find that the family unit will not break.
When we get married, we don’t come together in order to have a fight. But naturally, sometimes we would have problems and this is why we are rewarded to try and solve the problems.
In some instances, We’re unable to solve these problems not because any one of the two is bad, but we were different people perhaps our upbringing was so different we did not realise that prior to the marriage and so if we have so much of difficulty that it starts affecting our minds and we just cannot cope. It is permissible to separate by way of divorce.
You’re not the first person who is going through a divorce and you will not be the last one, subhanallah.
Remember the divorce is an opportunity given by Allah Almighty for you to Rise and Shine, for you to earn reward, for you to be able to earn the pleasure of Allah and ultimate Paradise.
Who are respectful upon the divorce and after the divorce they are the ones who will actually get Paradise as a result of the divorce perhaps because they engaged in something that was tough for them, but they did it correctly.
Did you know that it is very sinful to issue a divorce by Talaq Thrice?
Hadith says strive to seek that which will benefit and do not feel helpless. Then the prophet (saw) said and then if something overwhelms you then say it is the decree of Allah and He does what He Wills.
So, basically this is Once you have put forth your best and things don’t turn out the way that you want to turn out then say I did my part; Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala has decreed and I’m pleased with what He has decreed.
We never become dependent on our best efforts, we instead put forth our best efforts, but we always recognize the limitations of our efforts and recognizing the limitations of our efforts does not diminish them…. balance between our role versus the decree of Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala.
Patience in the midst of all of that Devastation:
Don’t beat yourself up so much over The outcome, seed the positive see what comes out of this for you in regards to the outcomes and don’t go back and say if I would have done this differently, if I would have done that differently…..
Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala had a plan for you and the end of that plan is good for you.
Every marriage goes through a little bit of turbulence. If you’ve had a disagreement or a little argument which we should be avoiding but human nature that does happen. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the marriage. people for every small thing, They say we want divorce or we want out of this marriage that is not the prophetic teaching.
So Allah wants us to try, He wants us to sacrifice whenever we’ve had an issue. We should try our best to make things work. A good communication is essential for a happy marriage.
Some people are divorced when they don’t want to be divorced. They feel that they could have made it work and it is quite depressing sometimes and a lot of anxiety comes into play.
You need to know something Allah says in the Quran giving you a lot of comfort.
The verse number 130 of surah an-nisa if the two separate in divorce, the two have divorced, Allah will bless both of them with His virtue, because He definitely is the owner of great virtue and He is very wise. Allah has broad virtue subhanallah.
So remember divorce is not the end of your life. It could be the beginning of a much happier life. So Allah says when you separate be respectful, you don’t need to engage in mudslinging, speaking bad about the other. You need to worry about yourself to the degree that you ask Allah for Goodness, not just for you but even for your ex-spouse.
Let’s learn to try our best and ultimately if it does end in divorce, it’s not the end of the world.
When you complain to Allah Almighty Remember, He hears you, He will definitely come to your help. But when you have been wronged there is no harm in warning others or even informing them.
In surah An-Nisa Allah says how He will grant them the acceptance to solve the #problem who fear that there may be a #split in the relationship of #marriage….
Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala speaks of difficulty in marriage and he spoken about this in many places in the Quran. A reminder always helps those who believe.
So, Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala tells us if you are fearing that there may be a split in the relationship of marriage, then if both of you really want to solve the problem. It is Resolvable. It can be solved.
The condition is both of the parties need to want to solve the problem.
The intention should not be to pick on someone, the intention should not be to battle who was right and who was wrong, but the intention Allah says should be we want to go forward. This intention is so Noble if both parties are sincere in it. They will be able to resolve the matter.
