This one is about family and family matters and sacrifices that you need to make sometimes in order to keep your family together.
‘They said, “If he steals – a brother of his has stolen before.” But Joseph kept it within himself and did not reveal it to them. He said, “You are worse in position, and Allah is most knowing of what you describe.”’
Quran:12:77
Sometimes you need to tolerate people’s misbehavior for a bigger cause. You need to recognize that you are part of a bigger picture. You as a Muslim, are part of a bigger picture.
What you do affects other people and reflects on your family reflects on your community, reflects on the ummah itself. The consequence of knowing that is sometimes you got to take a hit yourself.
Sometimes your family will be mean, cruel to you. And if you react to try and get your right, you may be the cause of breaking up the whole family.
We’re saying that sometimes you may need to accept some wrong in your life. Not because you’re a doormat, because you’re a person who has a vision.
You will one day come to know what I have said to you.
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Allah (swt) guides whom he Wills. You don’t guide whom you loved and so you do your best but you disconnect yourself, you take responsibility, but at the same time you acknowledge your lack of control over the situation. you, leave that to God…
This person is being spoken to by their parents and saying look I want good for you. You’re going to remember this one day; I’m trying to guide you to a good path.
You’re trying to help someone and the case once your own children who you would do anything for them and they’re on a path of hurting themselves, harming themselves and you’re trying to tell them look it’s for your own good. I want you to think about the consequences of your actions.
When someone can’t hear your advice just let them know that you’re going to love them through their stubbornness. I love you, and I’m going to pray for you and I’m here for you. The door is open.
I’m telling you something that hopefully will one day come back to you.
What will make your advice ugly is when you have ego in it, when it’s condescending, when it doesn’t,… maybe somewhere in there is some Noble intention but in the midst.. of your Noble intention is being lost. The ugliness of your words, right….
For both of these people; both the Giving that sincere advice and the one listening to that sincere advice, right the ego has to be removed from the picture and you’ve got to consider whether if you’re giving advice to someone, sincere advice to someone out of the love of Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala and out of wanting good for them.
One of the greatest ways of erasing major sins is via the door of repentance that is found beneath the feet of your mother and father.
Abdullah Ibn Abbas (Ra) said I do not know of any good deed on the face of the earth. That is dearer to Allah Almighty than being good to your mother. And that is why Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (rah) and other said erases even major sins.
Five things to honouring deceased parents:
Prophet Muhammed (saw) Making dua for them and asking Allah Almighty to erase their sins. Carrying out their last wishes after they have died, honouring their friends that they used to love, love, taking care of those ties of , Family Ties that you have because of them.
Don’t use your tongue and your verbal expression to harm your spouse And remember the mawadda and the rahmah Allah jalla jalaluhu has placed between you something You dislike, don’t insult and don’t Mock and this could leave a lifelong scar that you will struggle later on to amend. – Shaykh Ali Hammuda
By Allah, if these pillars of a marriage are there mentioned in the Ayah (Surah Ar-Rum [30:21]) that you just heard which is Sakina (Tranquility) mawadda (affection) Rahmah (Mercy), then this is a household that can deal with all of the obstacles and the challenges of life outside. And perhaps an undoubtedly rather I should say. This is one of the secrets behind the strength of our messenger Muhammad Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, because Allah jalla jalaluhu gave him a righteous wife called khadija ibn khuwaylid (Rah) who was the means of the Sakina the tranquility and the mawadda the affection and the rahmah therefore regardless of what he experienced outside from enmity from The jinns, from the ins, mankind or jinn kind.
He came home to a caring woman who was patting him on the back. I’m saying to him I believe in you. I accept your message. I will pray behind you, removing the intestines of animals that were placed on his back using her Blessed Hands and removing the dust from his beard and from his hair using her blessed hands, and he was able to continue that is why the day when she left it was a year of sorrow in the life of the messenger (saw). mawadda & rahmah was in this family and the gratitude that we need to have for our mother khadijah (ra) is beyond my ability to express it to tell you the truth, brothers and sisters for creating a home where by the messenger of Allah was able to propagate his mission till it came to our masjid in Cardiff mawadda and Rahmah was in that family.
Therefore not only does it help you as an individual find your feet in life and be happy as a married man or a woman it helps you find your akhirah, helps you convey the message of Allah when the home has within it, tranquility and affection and mercy and the opposite is just as true. Therefore, He sallallahu alehiwassallaam never forgot the virtue that she has over him in this department, even when she died because she was 15 years his senior. She had the whole world and the her hands and beneath her feet. She handed it over to her messenger and to her husband so that he could convey the word of God Almighty subhanahu wa’ta’ala. So when she passed away, he never forgot her and her mother Aisha radiallahu anna she would say even after she died.
She said in my life, I never felt more jealous towards any one of the wives of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam, then the jealousy I felt towards khadijah (Ra), and I never met her. I never even met her. I think what I would say to him, she was an old woman jealousy sometimes causes a person to see irrational things. They are excused. That was just an old woman. Why are you so obsessed with her? He would say to happens Allah Almighty blessed me with her love. What can I do about it? Allah put her love in my heart. subhanallah al-azim, mawadda & Rahmah ayesh (ra) said that even after she died messenger (saw) sometimes slaughter a goat and he will say distribute the meat of the goat between the friends of Khadija. He never forgot her and one day when he heard a knock at the door and who was knocking at the door of the messenger (saw) So I sent him it was Halah bint Khuwailid, the sister of Khadija (ra) He heard her voice and he said is oh Allah it is halah because Her voice reminded him of the voice of Khadija (ra) his wife before she had passed away. subhanAllah, he was walking in the street in a group of old women came to him and he took off his shawl and he put it on the floor and he said sit down, how are you doing? And he he spoke with them and how is life after us? What happened? What did you do?
Aysha (ra) said messenger of Allah (saw) who are these old women you were speaking to? he said these used to be women who used to visit us during the days of Khadija. Look at those words. Like those amazing days of khadijah you read between the lines. Amazing Subhan Allah because she provided a home that was of Sakina and mawadda She can really set the mood of the house and she can do the opposite and and this will be an empowering part of the discussion. Abu al-As ibn al-Rabi, who was the husband of Zainab, who is Zainab? The daughter of the prophet Mohammed (saw) from Khadijah (ra) So this is their daughter of Zainab They married her to a man called al-As ibn al-Rabi who was a Muslim, but they were stuck in Mecca. They couldn’t emigrate, the pagans had left them there. They prevented them from coming to Medina. And so when the Battle of Badr took place what happened? What happened? What happened? Was that al-As was forced by the pagans to go and to fight with them against the Muslims. It was out of his will and so he was caught by the Muslims and taken to Medina. So he was now separated between him and his wife Zainab.
She still in Mecca. And so the pagans they began to send messages to Medina saying we need you to free our men and so the deal was that Every man who was able to teach the Muslims how to read and write we will let him free, the importance of Education teach how to read and write and that will be your Ransom. If you can’t teach us how to read and write then you will need to pay a ransom. So the meccans they began to pay ransoms sending it to Medina. What is Zainab going to provide? What is Zainab going to provide, what type of Ransom because the meccan are not going to help her because they know that her husband is an ally of the prophet (saw) So she had nothing to give but a bracelet. Which her mother had given to her on her wedding night, khadijah (ra) So she sent it to the Prophet Muhammad (saw) And when he came imagine, he receives his bag. He puts his hand inside and he hears that this is the ransom for the husband of your daughter. And he takes out to see what is she going to Ransom him win? Like how did we get into this scenario to begin with and he finds the bracelet that his Khadijah had given to her when she was still alive to marry her off to al-As to beautify herself for him and the necessary jewelry that a woman requires. The narration says the prophet (saw) became so emotional when he saw this and he cried so much turning it and tossing in his hand remembering the days of Khadija. Then he said to his companions if it is okay with you would it be all right for us to give them back this Ransom and to free him free of charge on the condition that he sends Zainab to Medina and they said of course. Look at how he never forgot her, dear brothers and sisters. One of the key reasons without a doubt is because of the Sakina, the mawadda, the affection, the rahmah, that she played a chief role in facilitating in his house. That enabled him to do what he needed to do as a prophet from Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala.
Beloved parents the children are known in Islam as an Amana. Amana means a trust. You know what the trust means; the one who gave you the trust will instruct you what to do with the trust and you are not allowed to do anything but what the true owner want you to do. Children they belong to Allah, Allah tells you what you are allowed to do, what you’re not allowed to do and you have to do what Allah allows you only. if you do anything more than that you are at a loss.
When I have a child what should I do to the child? I should only do what Allah has allowed me to do.
If you had a powerful relationship with your child from the beginning the child will not make big decisions without you.
They are too scared to approach the parents and when they approach the parents there is Qiyamah in the house. Small Israfil blew a little trumpet in the house. Why? Because there was a breakdown of communication. you have failed as parents and they have not been guided as children.
Allah says make it as easy as possible and remember the child means to want to marry who they are marrying. That’s the primary condition.
If you had communication with the child and cooperation with the child and love with the child and you spent time on with the children rather than with your phone etc etc you would be able to manage the child’s life with the pleasure of the child
If your child has taken something seriously in his or her heart and you don’t help them in a proper respectful respectable convincing way, they’re going to live with a scar for the rest of their lives.
If you had a powerful relationship with your child from the beginning the child will not make big decisions without you. We should guide our kids. When you’re marrying, you’re actually looking for the father or mother of your children, they should have good qualities.
For your information Affairs have been made easier than getting married because we have turned away from the deen. ~ Mufti Menk
We came into existence because the Almighty made us. He decided that He wants to have us here. We did not decide that.
None of us chose to be here for example to be born where none of us chose the parents we have. None of us chose the children that we have in the case of those who have children. May the Almighty bless those who don’t have children with children, Ameen.
That itself already tells us that we are here on a mission. Because when you have an examination your questions are never chosen by you. It’s always someone else who decides to test you, to examine you by asking you things out of his will, not out of yours.
The Almighty chose I’m going to create you, I’m going to put you in a place without your choice, I’m going to throw you into the deep end to see what you do and part of the blessings of the Almighty is that he did not cause us to grow like trees but rather to have families and to be given birth to.
A family unit is actually a blessing from the Almighty. Today the world is drifting away from the family unit and teaching us that you know what? You do it alone. You don’t need your mom. You don’t need your dad. You don’t need your brothers and sisters. You don’t need this and so on and guess what’s happening? We’re becoming people who are not as content as we used to be. We are becoming people who are searching for contentment in every place and in everything. Besides we’re contentment lies.
I get people who complain to me my parents are very difficult. The first thing that comes to my mind is well that’s part of the test of the Almighty: what are you going to do about it? SubhanAllah and that doesn’t mean that I encourage parents to be difficult, because it is also a test for you when the Almighty’s blessed you with a child. you didn’t choose the exact child that you got. So don’t be so difficult my beloved parents.
Remember the world is changing. it’s part of your test to be polite, respectful, merciful, full of beautiful guidance and at the same time realizing that as time passes you will need to pass the baton to those children.
It’s not wrong to disagree with your parents respectfully where you feel that they are wrong, respectfully. When the Quran speaks about parents it emphasizes more on kindness and respect rather than obedience where the parents are wrong.- Mufti Menk
We’re searching for happiness, for contentment for goodness for success, guess who is the owner of all those? Allah, so if start off by knocking the right door. Develop your relationship with Allah; develop your relationship with the word of Allah.
Ultimately where do we want to reach? jannatul ferdous it means paradise. Ultimately I want to reach paradise.
There is a direction straight it will lead you to a specific goal and you know that but the problem is you know we’re too engrossed in the world. There is a balance between this dunya and akhira (this worldly life and the Hereafter). Those who tell you to divorce yourself from this world have not understood the world and those who tell you to enjoy it to the degree that you’ve forgotten where you’re going to go, had also not understood the reality of the world. The powerful dua is in the following:
Wa minhum mai yaqoolu rabbanaaa aatina fid dunyaa hasanatanw wa fil aakhirati hasanatanw wa qinaa azaaban Naar
But among them is he who says, “Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.”
Those will have a share of what they have earned, and Allah is swift in account.
Do you know that if sometimes if the plan you had for your own life was granted exactly as you wanted it perhaps you would not have seen that the successes that you have seen as a result of doors being closed by Allah for you.
When something happens your way say alhamdulillah, when it doesn’t happen your way say alhamdulillah twice because it’shappened the way Allah wanted it anyway. it’s amazing. Don’t become despondent..
The hadith I was saying, one of my favorite. So the prophet (saw) was asked what are the characteristics of those who are in Jannah /Paradise what would be the reasons that got them into paradise. He just said two words; you need two things… the people of Jannah have two:the consciousness of Allah meaning the relationship with Allah and secondly greatness in character and conduct is meaning the relationship with the rest of the creatures of the same Allah.
When you realize that everything happens according to Allah and when he’s given you the capacity to do something the energy, the mental ability, the intellect that the opportunities seize them, make use of them. Don’t be lazy, don’t sit back and say well if Allah wants it will happen. Allah gave you the capacity, Allah gave you everything you needed to get up to do it and Allah would have opened the doors for you but because you didn’t the doors remain closed.
If after you’ve done everything about it the doors were all closed and everything was closed and even the big black gate in the front became closed then you know what you got to say Allah didn’t want it and walk away. – Mufti Menk
End of surat al-Furqan Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala talks about certain prayers that are made by those who are close to Allah. One of them is in the 25th surah, Surah Furqan, verse 74.
Imagine a guy married for 20 years. Following his wife just looking at her face and smiling, la ilaha illaallah that that is real mashallah, what’s wrong with it? When you do something like that it’s actually a Ibadah (prayer). Someone feel worthwhile with as they develop the wrinkles on their faces, you adored them more, and you made them feel worthwhile. You know what? If she is aging you’re aging too, subhanAllah.
You need to look, you need to appreciate, you need to acknowledge, and you need to say good words, try it out at home today.
A lot of us lack romance in our homes, the prophet (SAW) talks the prophet (SAW) talks about it.
I’ve had people come to complain saying you know what we haven’t been intimate in two years.
The prophet Muhammed (saw) said to be intimate with your spouse is an act of worship and an act of charity.
Appreciate your spouse; they sacrificed a lot for you.
Towards a happy family you need to know say good words to your children; tell them how much you love them. no matter how old you are. Learn to respect others. Learn to respect the people, your own family members, talk to them, and communicate with them. Open your heart to them, help them, help them to achieve anything they want to achieve for as long as it’s not Haram let it be, Allah will guide, Allah will open the rest of the doors of the entire Ummah. . – Mufti Menk
Mufti Menk Quotes in this clip “If you have married your daughter off to an honourable person who’s responsible he has character and conduct and he has a relationship with his Maker even if he doesn’t have all the glamorous things on earth; he’s going to look after her like a queen”.
The All-Loving 