Category: Marriage

Marriage, Shaykh Ali Hammuda

How To Know He/She Is Righteous To Marry | Part 2.2 | Shaykh Ali Hammdua

the second principle, I would like to share with you. is where Allah, subhanahu wa’ta’ala he said in Surah 24 where he said subhanahu wa’ta’ala instructing us who to get married? who to get married to? he said Mary those single ones from amongst you and the righteous ones whether male or female The keyword here, I want us to highlight your brothers and sisters is As-Salihin the righteous ones Look at the criteria That was set by Allah jalla Jalaluhu We are not seeing by the way and this is a short disclaimer. I mentioned here before we proceed, we are not saying to dismiss other important factors like… compatibility between the spouses. And other personal desires or request things that you wish for as a man or as a woman in this person. We are talking about the Bedrock.

We are talking about the pillar of the marriage. We are talking about what we last and survive the test of time. And that is salah… righteousness in the pair. Allah says marry the righteous ones from amongst you whether male or female, life, dear brothers and sisters or rather marriage marriage is a journey that is filled with challenges where you are required to make some very tough decisions sometimes in that marital relationship. And we as human beings we make decisions on the basis of values that we have and as Muslims the most important value for us Islam and the pleasure of Allah therefore the more Islam you share with your spouse the easier it will be to make those difficult decisions in life because you’re both singing from the same hymn sheet.

You’re both in the same Waters. But when the Bedrock of religion is missing or you guys are at completely different levels. Because you didn’t take into consideration when getting married making those decisions in life becomes very complicated, basic questions, They cause a dispute like which school are we going to send our children to? Are we going to save up money for Hajj next year or not? Are we going to dedicate a space in the house to pray together as a family? Yeah, basic questions like Halal and Haram food, Where should we be eating from? income, How are we making money in this household, but you see questions becomes a source of fighting because this second principle of a successful marriage was overlooked, when Allah said the righteous ones, From your people. Look at how the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam has emphasized the importance of finding righteousness in male, finding righteousness in the female.

As for the men the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam, He said if a man comes to you. Wanting the hand of your daughter in marriage and you are satisfied with his religious commitment and you are satisfied with his manners then accept that person. then accept that person what was the condition for the husband aklaq, manners and religion Subhanallah, strange.. that both of them have come hand in hand. And he the relationship cannot truly be successful and properly Prosper islamically. If one of those two are missing. it’s not enough to say this man is on the deen But there’s no manners with the people. And it’s also the opposite scenario is probably more more likely or a sister. She may say to her family. I’m interested in this individual. He has such good manners, but he’s not praying at the moment. Inshallah. He will change. Prophet (saw) said you are happy with his religion and you’re happy with his conduct with people with aklaq. This is a person to marry. That is what he said about the husbands. What did he say about wives something very similar, a parallel Hadith bukhari and Muslim narrated on the authority, abu hurairah that the messenger salallahu alihi wasalam said in the famous Hadith, He said women are usually married on the basis of several matters either because of her beauty or her lineage or her money or her religion. Then the prophet salallahu alaihe wasalam said I advise you o Muslims to marry their religiously committed one may you prosper, may you prosper Allahu akbar, see many issues that later arise between husband and wife could have been resolved. If this principle number two was observed. When they came to tie the knot. right? Is this the type of person I see raising my children? Is this the type of man?

She may say who I see myself with in another 40 years from now. And sometimes we only realize that we have made the wrong decision not too long after those passionate expressions of love and the roller coaster of emotions has finally settled we realized that oh my God, I didn’t apply principle, Number two when Allah Almighty as Salah righteousness as a condition. Yeah many issues could have been resolved. If we had been a little bit more diligent and did the background checks and forth with our brains not with other parts of our body Marry, those who are righteous Allah Almighty Allah Almighty instructs, Maybe you have also experienced it where a brother may go to a particular family. Having an interest in the daughter of that family. And then you see the level of importance that is placed just by virtue of the questions that are asked. Yes, so the question maybe do you have a job? are you working? And he says something along the lines off, I’m in the process or I’m looking for work or something like that and because of that it’s a blanket rejection. Nothing else investigated. Now, I appreciate that fathers would like to take care of the prosperity of their daughters and they want them protected, I have no issues with that. My main issue is with the other scenario. Now if we flip around the scenario where they may ask him, Are you working? He says yeah, I’m working. and I have a house and I have a car, everything’s in place. Dr. Architect, whatever it may be. And the News comes to the family. That is Man doesn’t pray.

This man is just a one shot hit Friday jummah, salah, They say inshallah. He’ll start praying……. He will change ..(strange)… so when it comes to the conditions about Dunya were very rigid and uncompromising, but when it comes to religion, we’re very relaxed and then we wonder subhanAllahil azim, why a few months into this relationship or a few years. We get the phone call that your daughter has just been battered. She’s been hit She’s been broken or bruised or we he starts complaining for example that she has no idea about his rights and then in the house and he doesn’t feel like he’s being treated as a king of the home. Well, there was a basic rule here that was overlooked by all of those involved in this scenario, which is that if this person is unable to give Allah Almighty has basic rights. What makes you think he’s going to give your daughter her rights? Honestly use that as a benchmark, it solves so many issues and it gives you an indicator of the person at hand regardless of the smiles and what they may say about themselves. Allah Almighty, is basic rights and we can never fulfill his rights of Salah, siyam … No, in sha Allah I will make him pray in sha Allah. I will make her wear the hijab don’t you worry about that will get there together in sha Allah. Yeah, good luck. May Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala give you tawfiq, really brothers and sisters it could happen and it has happened and there are good examples of relationships that got off on the wrong foot. Don’t get me wrong and Allah has mercy upon them. But this is not the default, the default is look for those people of righteousness, messenger sallallahu Alehiwassallaam He said, The companions they said to him yeah Rasulullah type of what type of wealth should we seek to acquire? He gave them an answer that they were not expecting. He said to them the wealth that you should seek to attain is this and he gave them an answer that they were not expecting. You should seek to attain a heart that is grateful to Allah and a mouth that is praising Allah and a righteous spouse who will help you in your journey to the Hereafter Allahu akbar. a life is an enjoyment the best enjoyment that this world could offer is a righteous wife, la illah ila allah a disclaimer, I would like to add here by the way. What is your understanding of a righteous wife and of of righteous Husband, by the way? Just so that we’re not disappointed. It is our understanding of a righteous spouse that Allah wants from us is a is a woman who was in a black Abaya from head to toe and her face is covered nikab, you can’t see an inch of her body. Is this the religious .. that you looking for? What do you understanding of a religious woman? And I am not belittling that, the hijab is part of the deen and the niqab is part of the deen. No one can take that away from the religion regardless of how many tedx talks. They would like to give. But I am talking about what is the religion in your eyes? …that you’re not disappointed later on in your relationship. Gloves and socks and face cover.

This is the religion limited, limited exclusive to this. I think you’ll find out that this woman behind this Veil that has impressed you is backstabbing. She’s a backstabbing lying woman or she is one who moves between people spreading gossip to spread corruption and break relationships, or she is an individual who has many different faces. Mashaallah, if she set with the religious group and she can sing with them, if she sat with sat with the people of Dunya and maybe haram she knows how to communicate. That level is well. She may be somebody who doesn’t pray. She may be somebody who has all sorts of extra religious activity and we have seen this over and over again, brothers and sisters and the same I will say for our sisters. What is your understanding of a religious brother, was a long beard and a miswak in his pocket and a short thobe (garment above ankles) and don’t get me wrong. This is from the religion and no one can belittle that or take it away, but I’m saying what is your understanding of a religious man? He may be dressed … He may have videos on YouTube. And a huge following on social media, but he’s an addict to pornography. he’s an addict to other types of substances that he’s injecting or inhaling or selling even, la illah ila allah, it’s not possible? He could be a man who has has so much Envy towards other people. He may have fallen out with his mom and dad. She may not be speaking with her parents either What is your understanding of a religious person, outward appearance, but no internal. No internal quality, part of the deen, akhi, is manners. Did Rasulullah (saw) not say that the heaviest thing that will be weighed on the day of judgment is manners?

What is your understanding of religiosity, you know, you know person that you’re looking for, religion is is not cheating people with regards to their wealth not conning them out of their money not bringing in haram money into the house, that’s religion, religion is when you sister … you guard your tongue, you don’t speak about people behind their backs. You don’t show envy towards something gift.. that others have Allah has given some and you want to take it away from them, religion is about having a pure heart. Clean heart, that doesn’t Harbor enmity towards a Believer purifying your tongue, purifying your hands from the harm of others. This is also part of the religion. So ensure just so that you’re not disappointed. I do appreciate your spouse that you have now. She may not be doing certain things that are required. From an appearance perspective. We ask Allah Almighty to guide and to guide him if he is if he is susceptible to this as well. But at the same token look at the blessing Allah has given you, have they not protected you with regards to you’re honoring, your children, They have reserved they love to you and they lower their gaze when they see the haram, see things from a from a larger perspective, brothers and sisters lastly with regards to this principle before we move on. How can we ensure that The person we are looking to marry is a righteous person? What do we do? There are several things that we can do and we have to ultimately rely upon Allah, one of those things that we can do from a practical perspective is make Dua now. If you are not a married person particularly and even if you’re married make the quranic dua Surah Al-Furqan [25:74] oh Allah give us from our spouses and from our children those who will be the coolness of our eyes and ask many of those brothers and sisters who are living some of the happiest days of their lives, today They will tell you We used to make this dua religiously back when we were bachelors. dua, second thing when married gets a little bit more real right? istikhara, the prayer of consultation, learn how to pray it if you are not sure, pray it over and over again and don’t wait for a dream. Don’t wait for any Vision, number three background checks, references. Don’t get caught up in the moment. Love at first sight, we have to get married regardless of who agrees or disagrees. So your peace of mind and to spare you a headache, do your background checks, test the religion of that person one way or another in what is suitable and appropriate, give it time why I personally have a big issue marrying Sister, for example with a brother who has decided to take his shahada on the day of the The Marriage Aqd (Contract) I’m not doubting his sincerity, got who am I to do that? He may be better than every one of us in the city in the eyes of Allah, but I’m talking now from a marriage perspective. Have you done your checks? Are you confident that this is.. the marriage that could last? you have no indication, the fella at had his only two and a half minutes old as a Muslim. And then you wonder why later on he may have left the religion, or he may have pushed you to leave the religion or you are striving to make him a better person but his friends of the past are pulling him back and vice versa. a brother who says she is the one akhi, she is the one , we heard that there are certain issues.

I’m going to change that inshallah allah tala , do your background checks and be patient and take this principle. Number two, very serious, very seriously Dear brothers and sisters principle number three is where Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala he said in Ar-Rum Surah 30 Ayah, 21 he has placed, Allah, he has placed between you love and mercy. Well, let us translate it as affection and mercy Allah has placed between you affection and mercy. How do we bring about the affection and the mercy we will discuss this next week. by the will of Allah, let us just quickly introduce this principle. First of all, what is the difference between love? And what Allah describes in this aya as Mawadda (affection) He said we have placed between the affection and mercy. He didn’t say we put love and mercy between you although love is undoubtedly there. What is the difference between the two, does anybody know? So you can guess, love and affection .. some of the scholars have mentioned that one of the differences between affection and love is that, love is the name of the feeling that you have towards that individual. Yeah. That’s the attraction.

That’s the the care the the longing the yearning for them is that I think that may even keep you up at night, in the early parts of your marriage perhaps or your engagement. It’s that Fire that burns within you that’s the love, however the affection which allows speaks about in the ayah here is what Allahu Alem in reference to what you then do about that love, how you show the love that is the affection. So the gift, the smile, the hug, the intimacy, the time spent together and so on and so forth. This is the expression of the love. This is the Mawadda. And undoubtedly Mawadda therefore is different to love because it involves interaction. There is a communication between the two, they are in each other’s presence and therefore here we have to be careful and that’s why Allah says we have also placed Mercy between you and it is true that some people they harm Those whom they love them because of love. Where that love becomes unbridled, uncontrolled completely out of its Lane and and they end up harming that person because of obsessive love agreed? So Allah says we have placed affection and mercy between you just like a child because I want a person who is obsessively in love with can have childlike Tendencies and a child. He has a toy he loves his toy and wherever he goes the toy is with him, right? It’s next when he’s asleep, next to him when he’s eating. But he will also have no problem lobbying that toy from the top of the stairs to the bottom and experimenting with that toy. And some people they do that. So Allah says we have placed between you affection and what else? rahma, mercy Allahu Akbar, and therefore that Mercy is what controls that love and keeps it within check and within reason.

Marriage, Shaykh Ali Hammuda

What Happens If You Mock Marriage, With Practical Examples | Part 2.1 | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

So when you have a society that is areligious, it’s not religious. It means anything can be mocked whether that’s the prophet whether that’s religion whether that’s God whether that’s marriage. for us, It’s a different discussion. There are certain things that are Sanctified and they cannot be mocked or joked about. I truly feel that marriage Falls in that department because look at how Allah Almighty he spoke about it. And look at how the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam spoke about it. And therefore when you see these types of things whether it’s through a WhatsApp image that you share whether it’s a tweet, whether it’s a meme whether it’s a caricature image of some sort, you are mocking fatherhood, you mocking motherhood. You’re mocking marriage, you’re mocking the abilities of one or the other to fulfill their responsibilities. You have the young who are hearing this or the older, you have been the happily married or those who are not so happily married and whether you realize it or not, you are sending subliminal messages in their mind to not take the institution of marriage Seriously.

It’s like anything else and therefore therefore. It should be a red line and what surprises me personally my dear brothers and sisters is that a lot of these jokes are issued by so-called life coaches, brothers Who are they are delivering courses like this and lectures at universities and delivering recordings for social media, but for the purpose of being light-hearted and to make the people laugh and to get the mood going we crack a joke here and there about how useless men are, how useless women are, how useless marriages, and and you get these, you know condolences, types of jokes, right? And it’s a brother for example who could have been crying to you a few years ago saying I need to get married and I’m struggling I I really need to find a wife and and and and and then the moment Allah gives him with marriage What does he start doing? to show that he’s a man, right? He’s married. Yeah, I’m married now, condolences Oh, I mean congratulations and I’m thinking to myself. Wow. It’s like you have forgotten yourself. You have forgotten who you are a few years ago. Now that Allah has blessed you, you are mocking it. This is not an institution to be mocked. You hear jokes like a person saying we saw a man who was at the funeral of his wife and he was standing at the grave of his wife, making Dua to Allah seeing all Allah she is divorced.

She is divorced, talaq, talaq They said to her why you trying to divorce her she’s already died. He says just in case she follows me into Jannah. She is my wife in jannah and we take this light heartedly is this an institution to be joked about? I would argue certainly No, in fact, one of these brothers himself during the course, he said sisters and he’s trying to be funny and I guess he says if you fall out, if you have a, if you have a Calamity in life, generally speaking try to keep a photo of your husband in your wallet, why he says so that whenever you were going through trauma in your life on a major Challenge and a big obstacle just take out the photo look at it and say to yourself if I can deal with that I can deal with anything else in life, and it will make you be able to deal with your challenge. How can somebody take marriage seriously after that it will send a message. If I am constantly mocking your car; your Vauxhall Astra, your Banger, You4 wreck, your HEAP of junk, your bone Rattler this that the other. will it not get to a point where you would look at your current think, you know what maybe it’s time for me to change, it if somebody is constantly dropping jokes about your looks, your ears, your nose, your color, your height your with, your way. Will you not go home and eventually look into the mirror and say my goodness, I need to be a little bit more self-conscious. Right? if somebody is constantly drumming into your head that marriage is ridiculous. Marriage is a cage, marriage is a project in prison blah blah blah blah. It has to affect a percentage of people. in that is the purpose of satire, satire By the way is not just about making people laugh that’s comedy. It’s about changing perceptions through amusements and ridicule and we can afford to do that when Allah Almighty said about this institution as what? A firm Covenant, what is even more worrying is that we are ridiculing the institution of marriage when the opposite is being glorified and promoted. So you … what am I left with? if the only Halal option which is marriage is being ridiculed. And we live in a society when the alternative is being promoted glorified, beautified What do we do in that situation?

And even in the Muslim filled themselves when for example a brother who’s having a hard time at home with his with his wife then he goes on to social media and he sees this beautiful reporters, beautiful presenters, carefully curated images, edited Instagram photos. What is he thinking? those jokes they start coming back and similarly a sister who may be having issues with her husband at home. Like we all do with our spouses and then she goes to the masjid, He goes to the University lecture Theatre to hear any Islamic lecture and they’re in front of her, is a Sheikh who looks ten out of ten. The beard is carefully trimmed. Maybe he Dyed to cover the greys and topi maybe that Im mama is absolutely picture-perfect crisp. He smells Gucci, Chanel everything and then she begins to compare what my husband does not speak that eloquently. He doesn’t look that good. My husband’s knowledge doesn’t come half to this man’s knowledge. And then the poor lady ends up thinking that this man looks like this 24 hours a day like he wakes up in the morning with Im mama on his head. He comes out of the bathroom with the carefully iron thobe the point of mentioning this year brothers and sister is that when we are mocking the institution of marriage, even if lightheartedly and on top of that add another layer of complexity the ooppoiste it is being glorified and Everything is exposed and we can see everything about everyone’s life today. What are you left with? we are left with a problem. You have James Sexton who is a divorce lawyer and he’s been in this field dealing with custody disputes for 20-odd years and there was an interview between him and someone called Sean ailing, Sean ailing he said to him. In your experience, you’ve had thousands of people coming in and out of your office dealing with marital dispute. What is your number one bit of advice for those people who are looking to get married? And what was the advice?

He said take marriage very seriously. And then he goes on to say consider it like a car and he says I hate to give the example of a car because some people Unfortunately they give more respect and more thought to the buying of a car than tying are not with another human being. He says like a car if you were to ask the average person. What is your dream car? What car would you like? You would say? I’d like a Ferrari. I’d like a Lambo. And then if you say to that person hold on a minute, the car that you’re going to have is going to be your only car and it will be with you for the rest of your life. Will it be the Ferrari or the lambo or will he required to re-evaluate the answer? He will re-evaluate the answer. Why? because we recognize that the car that you desire when you’re 20 years old is a little bit different than the car that you desire when you’re 30 years old, when you got two or three kids now wanting to join the ride. Take the marriage seriously. And understand that this is not just about pacifying, passion dealing with the romance with a person that you have just Crossroads with. but you are coming into the one of the biggest contracts in existence. Whereby when you are involved with this person. You are also involved with Allah. remember brothers and sisters that this man he is dear sisters your Paradise or your hell and remember dear brothers that this woman that you have married has taken from you a firm Covenant and I believe that many of the problems will be flushed out just by virtue of realizing the weight of this marriage and that can come through reading, through consultation, and through the attending of courses like this and others.

Marriage, Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Why Divorce Is Always On The Tip Of The Tongue! Four Reasons | Part 2.0 | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

With the hope of saving the institution of marriage In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the In the lives of Muslims and I believe that if we take the information, With the same seriousness as He who has prepared it for you.

I am hopeful that our relationships, mine, yours those marriages that are going to be, those marriages that are struggling that Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala can and will mend them and this is the promise of Allah Almighty for those who resort to his book seeking guidance and after all this is a Quran based approached.

Principle number one: one of the most important of principles pertaining to the institution of marriage and everything else after it is a is a branch, is a subsidiary. This is part of the ayah where Allah Almighty said I have taken from you a firm Covenant, a strong agreement.

It’s more so about a perception, An inner appreciation of marriage that should change. That’s not something you shift. You move, you carry by yourself. This is a discussion now between you and yourself, nobody else.

The sheer amount of ramifications involved in terms of Rights and obligations and ownership and inheritance and hormones and children and the rest of it. They’re all connected to this institution of marriage and therefore Allah Almighty makes it clear to us that this is a serious agreement.

However, I’m sure you will agree that we live in a society that is very dismissive towards the institution of marriage. We live in a world that is highly antagonistic to marriage.

Why is it therefore that we don’t see it at least a lot of us, the importance of this institution and therefore the word of talaq, divorce is always on the tip of our tongues. t’s a pressure card that he’s used always threatening his wife with and it’s a request that she may be always making from him, divorce me, any situation They had divorced me.  She says I will divorce you he says , that is a manifestation a reflection of a person or a couple who are looking down  on the situation to tuition of marriage. on the Institution of marriage. Not that through the lens that Allah Almighty has given it.

Why is it that we don’t see it IE marriage, like maybe our fathers and our grandparents and our predecessors used to  see it what has changed I suggest or posit that there are  several things that have changed. The first thing is the element of education and Tarbiyah, past experiences from Haram relationships, due to movements isms in society, Wherever you look you find people mocking the institution, of marriage or actively speaking out against it suggesting that perhaps it should be cancelled altogether and replaced with something else.

By the way, it’s difficult to entirely blame them. a lot of these statements that you just heard that they are reactions to very terrible experiences that people have witnessed in the name of marriage.

So a lot of what you are hearing is a reaction to things that shouldn’t represent What marriage is about. So these are three reasons why some of us have a dismissive perception of marriage because these were being bombarded with these type of statements.

Another reason and this is number four is satire, mockery of marriage Even if it is coming as a joke and something light-hearted.

How the Sharia has shown you and I that this relationship of marriage is like none other wallahi if we were to apply this principle and appreciate it. Akbar I believe it will transform our relationships because you see this person in front of you husband or wife as one of your gateways to Allah as pleasure or or His Wrath . – Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Family, Marriage, Mufti Menk

How Iblis Devil Sows The Seed Of Marital Discords | Impact On Children | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

When the shatiaan has given this topic [marriage] so much attention, why should we not give marriage this type of attention when shaitaan has given this topic so much more attention? It seems that shaitaan has a vested interest in separating husband and wife. And it’s one of those things that he celebrates a lot more with respect to sins that him and his troops they achieve and this was mentioned categorically in a Hadith.

The Prophet (S.A.W.S) said:

“Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” Shaytaan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him”

(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah).

The fact that, divorce is on the rise. in my own personal and short experience in the Islamic Council of Europe out of every 10 cases That are supposed to be mediating between people in every Avenue of life whether Financial, marital or whatever It may be out of every ten or so cases. I would say maybe nine of them are our divorce related, maybe more so we have a problem, shaitaan is working and many of these marriages could have been fixed. This is our motto We want to mend it rather than ending it. We want to find Solutions and divorced undoubtedly is a window that Allah has provided if all other options fail.

Look at what happens to the children? Iain Duncan Smith said Who emerge from broken homes are nine times more likely to commit crime then those children who come out from stable homes. That is a worrying statistic.

Look at the individual cost that happens when a husband and wife are falling out. Look at what happens to him what heart from an emotional psychological perspective.

 

The Perfect relationship between husband and wife doesn’t exist, why? Because, that doesn’t exist in Dunya. It exists in Jannah, but not in Dunya. – Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Family, Marriage, Mufti Menk

Really Hurts! Preference For A Materialistic Degree Over Hadith By Parents | Selecting A Spouse | Mufti Menk

The brightest children are not always the most successful on Earth and I want to tell you something else to prove that your education and your wealth are not necessarily connected… Allah makes some of the wealthiest from amongst us, some of the least educated, do you guys agree?

This is why you know what?  I really feel hurt when people sometimes see a successful businessman, A person who is doing really well and then they make an issue out of the fact that this person has not gotten a degree or whatever else so they cannot marry our daughter.

But what was the point of going to school in the first place to earn a living? This man earns the living without having gotten that degree.

Work hard inshallah as best as you can and enjoy the days you have, even if you’re at a workplace things are tough.

Life will be challenging. people will judge you. It’s not your fault. It’s not you who is sick. It is them.

A proposal has come in your direction from a person whom you are satisfied with their level of Deen which means their closeness to Allah, their religion, they don’t have to be you know, so Pious but on an acceptable level perhaps they read their Salah, they are responsible in their relationship with Allah and secondly, Their character and conduct is of an acceptable level. If you have those two then let it happen.

And you know what the Hadith says if you don’t oh, this is We say it we repeat it and we see parents do exactly the opposite and face the same consequences mentioned by the prophet (saw) and they blame everyone else.

So the Hadith says if good character came to you with decent deen. Now what has good character meant? you need a responsible guy, responsible person. Mashallah, they’re responsible and they have Deen, they’re good character.

I always say you will not even know that your choice of a Spouse shapes your future until you get married. Your choice of a spouse actually determines a lot of your future. Don’t choose with your hormones.

I’ve always said the two most powerful organs the heart and the mind, don’t ever give anyone the control of those two because they will hurt you.

In fact prior to marriage, is this person fit to be the mother of my children? Is this person fit to be a father to the children I expect to have? Will they be a role model? – Mufti Menk

Marriage, Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Celibacy In Islam | Analogy On The Likeness Between Clothing And Marriage | Tranquility In Relationship | Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Conformity to the way of the messenger (saw) as a rule all of the doors that lead to Paradise are shut with the exception to the door that is the door of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihiwasallam I,E his Sunnah.

What is amazing is that Conformity to the Sunnah is found is found in the institution of Islamic of Islamic marriage between a man and a woman.

The prophet Muhammed (saw) said I am the one who fears Allah Almighty the most and I have far more takwa consciousness of him than you. However, I pray and I sleep and I fast and I eat and I marry women. He said so whoever turns away from my sunnah, my way. Then he’s not from amongst us. So prophet (saw) prohibited Celibacy. It is not part of the religion.

Allah said you are a garment for them and they are a garment for you. I don’t think a human being can bring about a more beautiful comprehensive description of the nature of the relationship between man and woman in marriage.

What else does cloth do? Does it not protect us from the cold of the winter and the Heat of the summer, right? And that’s what marriage does they are protection for one another; Financial, Protection physical, protection emotional protection, moral protection, Islamic protection. La ilaha illallah,

How then can it be that a person then complains of a spouse who is offering them a Bruising fist every other day? Is this the type of clothing for each other that Allah Almighty has described marriages being for ourselves? Undoubtedly, not.

There is a love that is a miracle from Allah, the marriage between man and woman is one of the truest miracles in front of us, but it requires thought and Marriage it is one of the clearest paths for a human happiness in the life of this world.

Allah says from His many signs is that he has created from yourselves, spouses so that you may find rest in her and he has between you both love and mercy, and then the ayah concludes indeed in this there are signs for people who think.

The image of Marriage that is painted To Us by not just Society but my TV and social media is a fake one, that Bollywood or Hollywood image of him boy meeting girls and they lived happily ever after doesn’t exist in the life of this world and the same way that we don’t believe TV with respect to what they say about Islam and Quran and Jihad, we should not believe TV about what they say is the definition of an ideal marriage.

We are looking to deal with those major issues the axioms the pillars of a marriage that are crumbling down in order to ensure that there is Everlasting Love and everlasting Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going Sakina between the couple and it is possible and we’re going to discover that it is not marriage that makes you happy it is you that makes your marriage happy.

It’s a choice brothers and sisters and being Muslim and married and very happy. These are not oxymoronic. These are not contradictory descriptions. It is possible to be all of them, but it is based upon a choice that needs to be made and some effort and Allah Almighty has promised to fill the hands of such a person with goodness if he or she wants to make those decisions.

– Shaykh Ali Hammuda

Beauty of The Quran, Family, Islam, Marriage, Mufti Menk, Transforming Life

The Golden Advice To Be Nicer Person Around & for Long-Term Relationship | Or Six Salah won’t Help | Mufti Menk

None of us are the same even in our thinking. We won’t think the same so, why did Allah make us different? Why do I think differently? You might be married to a person who doesn’t like everything you like. In fact, it will be it has to be it must be, subhanallah. Why have you thought of it?

It’s part of the plan of Allah. He wants us to master the art of living with difference of opinion with differences in our likes and dislike.

Even if you are born of one mother and one father look at the evidence from the time of Abel and Cain, from the time of Adam and Eve, may Allah bless them.

Small issues today and what do we do? It starts off in the heart, we become abusive. We start belittling. We start making people feel inferior. We say words that are hurtful. We say words that are harmful. We say abusive, vulgar words. Do you really think that you’re going to go far by saying these bad things? You have actually lost the plot even if you are making six Salah a day, you’re going nowhere.

Learn to be the best human being you can take a look at the globe, we are suffering simply because we want to impose our own thinking on the rest of the world. That’s why we are struggling. You, don’t do that.

And that does not mean you water down your own opinion. When I’m a Muslim, I will remain Muslim. I will believe what’s right and wrong based on my convictions. But how will I treat someone who disagrees with me? That is something we don’t know and we’re lacking and to me that’s one of the biggest reasons why we are at War today. Not only with the globe but even amongst ourselves.

You should be yourself unique, you don’t compromise your faith what you believe is right. You don’t compromise that. That doesn’t mean you have to belittle someone Else who has thought differently, who’s used the brain Allah gave them to arrive at a conclusion that you consider wrong.

You have to address people with respect from the very beginning. We were taught that as humankind and thereafter as the ummah of the one who was sent as a mercy to the rest, SubhanAllah, salallahu alaihe wasalam.

Do you Shout, Scream, yell, abusive, this that in your house?  You don’t qualify. It’s not a house or a home. It’s just a dwelling.

When you qualify you will have a much better home. Subhanallah, you’re going to have a beautiful environment in that house. You will know how to speak, how to address people, how to tackle difference of opinion and so on.

We don’t even know how to talk to our own spouses. We have such a big disease as Muslims. I promise you, that when a divorce happens, it’s like the end of the world, go to the non-muslims and learn from them.

You have to have a big heart. You have to understand the children belong to both and fulfil their rights.

Trust me. We need to create an environment, we need to create an environment of respect of Love, of dignity.

Young man came to the prophet Peace be upon him He says o messenger give me advice the messenger peace be upon him told him don’t get angry.

We all need that advice because we get angry. When things don’t happen your way and you can calm down, you’re a true follower of that messenger Peace be upon him. You deserve his Intersession on the Day of Judgment. May Allah granted to us.

My brothers and sisters we get angry very fast when something in the home doesn’t happen, whether it’s the child or a spouse or a parent or a sibling, we could so upset us… and how we start venting bad words. And the Hadith is a True Believernever uses an abusive word.

You want Jannah, subhanallah tolerate the heat of the Dunya heat of the fire of jahannam. That to be considered the correct Muslim you must be disciplined, you have to be disciplined. If you’re not disciplined you’re going nowhere.

We belong to different sects as Muslims. How do we treat each other? simple your ego. Throw it out. Come out and say I’m sorry because the day will come when the almighty may not forgive you, subhanallah. – Mufti Menk

Family, Marriage, Transforming Life

Why Divorce For Trivial Matters! Listen To Save The Next Person | Parents Reminders ~ Shaykh Hasan Ali

You know, you have to admire our father’s generation, grandfather’s Generations.  Despite Decades of them having marital problems they stay together till the end until death departed them.

20 year olds and 30 year olds getting married and then within two years within months…. They are ending the relationship for trivial matters, for small things. I said it one thing the reason why I feel this is happening is because this generation that we have now this generation is a lot about not facing difficulties from a young age.

So parents have also in the last 20, 25, 30, years not given difficulties to the children. …removed all difficulties, you know, made it really easy for them. by the time they have then they are getting the married after a few years, you know, they’re not prepared for life.

No one saying you know shout at children.. But at least you know, you can be firm with children, the firmness with children and if you if you’re showing strength with children, children if you show softness to children, children grow up to be soft. And that’s why too soft is get married they don’t know how to deal with life’s troubles and life’s chaos and problems and so on and therefore, the easiest of me ,just get divorced for the most trivial matters, for the most smallest things that have probably happened in their life. And they want divorce, they want out and our parents and grandparents they stayed in there all the way till the end.

You don’t know what how many problems you have. You’ve got to understand that it’s more important to try and you know get to the end. And keep to your vows and remember that you know, you took a vow in front of Allah Azawajal when you got married, it’s not a small thing.

Divorce is there’s an emergency exit and is needed by some people. Yes, we can definitely reduce the number of divorces if people were to, you know, take life more seriously. if they first  haven’t up bringing those more serious and if they then knew how to deal with life’s problems and their trivial matters and so on.

please get the message out, be more firm with children And at the same time be, you know, be people who are ready for marriage and who got a serious intention to stay together all the way to the end unless something major comes out. Don’t look at the emergency exits.

Marriage, Mufti Menk

The Most Difficult Part Of A Marriage | A warning Of Prophet Muhammed’(ﷺ) From His Deathbed | Mufti Menk

Don’t underestimate the value and the power of dua. Dua can actually get for you something you might have thought was impossible. But there is nothing impossible for allah. The biggest gift that you and I could give the bride and the groom is actually a du’a more than anything else.

The easiest part of any marriage is its Officiation.  The most difficult part is after that. Where the rights come into play, you have to live with each other. You’ve been brought up in absolutely different homes to the degree that if you were brought up in a similar home or the same home you would not be allowed to get married if you were Mahram.

One of the sacrifices that allah subhanahu wa ta’ala wants you to make is to be able to adjust to be able to fulfill the rights upon. The deathbed of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he got up and said something. He said I’m warning you about your treatment of women.

The most difficult part of a marriage is to be able to adjust, to be able to sacrifice, to be able to not only develop the trust with one another but to abstain from that which might cause blemish in the trust.

You want something to go right? Both of you have to make an effort. If both don’t make an effort it will go wrong.  So, we must develop ourselves, we must develop our character. A good happy marriage is based on trust. It’s based on sacrifice and communication but over and above that the relationship with Allah.

t-Tawakkul ‘ala Allah is the cornerstone of a happy marriage. If your aim is the pleasure of Allah and your spouse’s aim is the pleasure of Allah and you have develop your your character and your conduct, what can go wrong in that marriage?

Another very interesting point that is mentioned in the verses of nikkah is the issue of the tongue. To use your tongue in the straightway, in the best possible way, speak properly. Don’t say bad words, hurtful words, don’t cause hurt and abuse. Allah says, watch your tongue. It’s one of the things you can do to earn the pleasure of Allah, to protect your deeds and to forgive to achieve the forgiveness of these sins, more so within marriage. 90 or more percent of problems within marriage are connected to the tongue.

The prophet (saw) says the hadith says the best from amongst you is the one who is best to his wife. The one who is best to his own family that’s where charity begins… Charity begins at that point. – Mufti Menk

Family, Marriage, Mufti Menk, Sort- Reminders

Want To Control Everyone! The Biggest Mistake | Wife Lover ~ Mufti Menk

My brothers my sisters, like I said on earth you will have days when mashallah, as you grow older. At how things have changed, right? But we remember the days. When you look at yourself now aren’t you a little bit lonely? Well, Allah is telling you well build a relationship with me now, come SubhanAllah, la ilaha ilallah,….

You know your children no matter how many you have they’re going to get married, the biggest mistake we make we want to control, control who? Everyone else… listen to a certain extent you can let them know even your own children, you can let them know what to do what not to do but control… trust me you will develop a huge problem if you want to control everyone around.

We want to control everyone around us. We break our families and communities into pieces because we want to have the only say. You must listen to everyone and you must do that which is beneficial for the community but you do have a final say because there has to be one leader who decides.

I’d love to have Eid the same way we’ve had it when we were young, when all the brothers and sisters got together on the day of Eid but guess what? Now they start getting married. Each one of them has their own children.

It’s not fair to always have Eid in one place, I need to make sure that I.. Let loose a little bit, I will be a bit …the Eids are not going to be like they were all the time. I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid, break loose you still United, didn’t I say? May Allah give us unity.

You can still be united. You know what? For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… don’t force yours on them, for as long as it has some form of validation in Islam let it be. The minute you try to force you will destroy.. There will be disunity. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented.

It’s very important for us to know that life has lessons. We don’t learn them sometimes. Allah says you know when you’re young it’s not going to be the same as you grow older. When you grow older things have to change. The baton is passed on.

Yes, we are human yes we do have human nature. But we should be disciplining it with the discipline of Islam. it will help us. it will take us to jannatul ferdous, it will make us the best of people. Don’t be too hard and fast on others even your own family members. Sometimes we are too hard on our own spouses.

I don’t have to be everywhere, every time, at every Eid. Break loose you still united. For as long as that opinion has some form of validation in the Quran and Sunnah and in Islam let it be… The minute you try to force you will destroy. That’s one of the reasons why we are so fragmented. – Mufti Menk