the second principle, I would like to share with you. is where Allah, subhanahu wa’ta’ala he said in Surah 24 where he said subhanahu wa’ta’ala instructing us who to get married? who to get married to? he said Mary those single ones from amongst you and the righteous ones whether male or female The keyword here, I want us to highlight your brothers and sisters is As-Salihin the righteous ones Look at the criteria That was set by Allah jalla Jalaluhu We are not seeing by the way and this is a short disclaimer. I mentioned here before we proceed, we are not saying to dismiss other important factors like… compatibility between the spouses. And other personal desires or request things that you wish for as a man or as a woman in this person. We are talking about the Bedrock.
We are talking about the pillar of the marriage. We are talking about what we last and survive the test of time. And that is salah… righteousness in the pair. Allah says marry the righteous ones from amongst you whether male or female, life, dear brothers and sisters or rather marriage marriage is a journey that is filled with challenges where you are required to make some very tough decisions sometimes in that marital relationship. And we as human beings we make decisions on the basis of values that we have and as Muslims the most important value for us Islam and the pleasure of Allah therefore the more Islam you share with your spouse the easier it will be to make those difficult decisions in life because you’re both singing from the same hymn sheet.
You’re both in the same Waters. But when the Bedrock of religion is missing or you guys are at completely different levels. Because you didn’t take into consideration when getting married making those decisions in life becomes very complicated, basic questions, They cause a dispute like which school are we going to send our children to? Are we going to save up money for Hajj next year or not? Are we going to dedicate a space in the house to pray together as a family? Yeah, basic questions like Halal and Haram food, Where should we be eating from? income, How are we making money in this household, but you see questions becomes a source of fighting because this second principle of a successful marriage was overlooked, when Allah said the righteous ones, From your people. Look at how the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam has emphasized the importance of finding righteousness in male, finding righteousness in the female.
As for the men the messenger sallallahu alehiwassallaam, He said if a man comes to you. Wanting the hand of your daughter in marriage and you are satisfied with his religious commitment and you are satisfied with his manners then accept that person. then accept that person what was the condition for the husband aklaq, manners and religion Subhanallah, strange.. that both of them have come hand in hand. And he the relationship cannot truly be successful and properly Prosper islamically. If one of those two are missing. it’s not enough to say this man is on the deen But there’s no manners with the people. And it’s also the opposite scenario is probably more more likely or a sister. She may say to her family. I’m interested in this individual. He has such good manners, but he’s not praying at the moment. Inshallah. He will change. Prophet (saw) said you are happy with his religion and you’re happy with his conduct with people with aklaq. This is a person to marry. That is what he said about the husbands. What did he say about wives something very similar, a parallel Hadith bukhari and Muslim narrated on the authority, abu hurairah that the messenger salallahu alihi wasalam said in the famous Hadith, He said women are usually married on the basis of several matters either because of her beauty or her lineage or her money or her religion. Then the prophet salallahu alaihe wasalam said I advise you o Muslims to marry their religiously committed one may you prosper, may you prosper Allahu akbar, see many issues that later arise between husband and wife could have been resolved. If this principle number two was observed. When they came to tie the knot. right? Is this the type of person I see raising my children? Is this the type of man?
She may say who I see myself with in another 40 years from now. And sometimes we only realize that we have made the wrong decision not too long after those passionate expressions of love and the roller coaster of emotions has finally settled we realized that oh my God, I didn’t apply principle, Number two when Allah Almighty as Salah righteousness as a condition. Yeah many issues could have been resolved. If we had been a little bit more diligent and did the background checks and forth with our brains not with other parts of our body Marry, those who are righteous Allah Almighty Allah Almighty instructs, Maybe you have also experienced it where a brother may go to a particular family. Having an interest in the daughter of that family. And then you see the level of importance that is placed just by virtue of the questions that are asked. Yes, so the question maybe do you have a job? are you working? And he says something along the lines off, I’m in the process or I’m looking for work or something like that and because of that it’s a blanket rejection. Nothing else investigated. Now, I appreciate that fathers would like to take care of the prosperity of their daughters and they want them protected, I have no issues with that. My main issue is with the other scenario. Now if we flip around the scenario where they may ask him, Are you working? He says yeah, I’m working. and I have a house and I have a car, everything’s in place. Dr. Architect, whatever it may be. And the News comes to the family. That is Man doesn’t pray.
This man is just a one shot hit Friday jummah, salah, They say inshallah. He’ll start praying……. He will change ..(strange)… so when it comes to the conditions about Dunya were very rigid and uncompromising, but when it comes to religion, we’re very relaxed and then we wonder subhanAllahil azim, why a few months into this relationship or a few years. We get the phone call that your daughter has just been battered. She’s been hit She’s been broken or bruised or we he starts complaining for example that she has no idea about his rights and then in the house and he doesn’t feel like he’s being treated as a king of the home. Well, there was a basic rule here that was overlooked by all of those involved in this scenario, which is that if this person is unable to give Allah Almighty has basic rights. What makes you think he’s going to give your daughter her rights? Honestly use that as a benchmark, it solves so many issues and it gives you an indicator of the person at hand regardless of the smiles and what they may say about themselves. Allah Almighty, is basic rights and we can never fulfill his rights of Salah, siyam … No, in sha Allah I will make him pray in sha Allah. I will make her wear the hijab don’t you worry about that will get there together in sha Allah. Yeah, good luck. May Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala give you tawfiq, really brothers and sisters it could happen and it has happened and there are good examples of relationships that got off on the wrong foot. Don’t get me wrong and Allah has mercy upon them. But this is not the default, the default is look for those people of righteousness, messenger sallallahu Alehiwassallaam He said, The companions they said to him yeah Rasulullah type of what type of wealth should we seek to acquire? He gave them an answer that they were not expecting. He said to them the wealth that you should seek to attain is this and he gave them an answer that they were not expecting. You should seek to attain a heart that is grateful to Allah and a mouth that is praising Allah and a righteous spouse who will help you in your journey to the Hereafter Allahu akbar. a life is an enjoyment the best enjoyment that this world could offer is a righteous wife, la illah ila allah a disclaimer, I would like to add here by the way. What is your understanding of a righteous wife and of of righteous Husband, by the way? Just so that we’re not disappointed. It is our understanding of a righteous spouse that Allah wants from us is a is a woman who was in a black Abaya from head to toe and her face is covered nikab, you can’t see an inch of her body. Is this the religious .. that you looking for? What do you understanding of a religious woman? And I am not belittling that, the hijab is part of the deen and the niqab is part of the deen. No one can take that away from the religion regardless of how many tedx talks. They would like to give. But I am talking about what is the religion in your eyes? …that you’re not disappointed later on in your relationship. Gloves and socks and face cover.
This is the religion limited, limited exclusive to this. I think you’ll find out that this woman behind this Veil that has impressed you is backstabbing. She’s a backstabbing lying woman or she is one who moves between people spreading gossip to spread corruption and break relationships, or she is an individual who has many different faces. Mashaallah, if she set with the religious group and she can sing with them, if she sat with sat with the people of Dunya and maybe haram she knows how to communicate. That level is well. She may be somebody who doesn’t pray. She may be somebody who has all sorts of extra religious activity and we have seen this over and over again, brothers and sisters and the same I will say for our sisters. What is your understanding of a religious brother, was a long beard and a miswak in his pocket and a short thobe (garment above ankles) and don’t get me wrong. This is from the religion and no one can belittle that or take it away, but I’m saying what is your understanding of a religious man? He may be dressed … He may have videos on YouTube. And a huge following on social media, but he’s an addict to pornography. he’s an addict to other types of substances that he’s injecting or inhaling or selling even, la illah ila allah, it’s not possible? He could be a man who has has so much Envy towards other people. He may have fallen out with his mom and dad. She may not be speaking with her parents either What is your understanding of a religious person, outward appearance, but no internal. No internal quality, part of the deen, akhi, is manners. Did Rasulullah (saw) not say that the heaviest thing that will be weighed on the day of judgment is manners?
What is your understanding of religiosity, you know, you know person that you’re looking for, religion is is not cheating people with regards to their wealth not conning them out of their money not bringing in haram money into the house, that’s religion, religion is when you sister … you guard your tongue, you don’t speak about people behind their backs. You don’t show envy towards something gift.. that others have Allah has given some and you want to take it away from them, religion is about having a pure heart. Clean heart, that doesn’t Harbor enmity towards a Believer purifying your tongue, purifying your hands from the harm of others. This is also part of the religion. So ensure just so that you’re not disappointed. I do appreciate your spouse that you have now. She may not be doing certain things that are required. From an appearance perspective. We ask Allah Almighty to guide and to guide him if he is if he is susceptible to this as well. But at the same token look at the blessing Allah has given you, have they not protected you with regards to you’re honoring, your children, They have reserved they love to you and they lower their gaze when they see the haram, see things from a from a larger perspective, brothers and sisters lastly with regards to this principle before we move on. How can we ensure that The person we are looking to marry is a righteous person? What do we do? There are several things that we can do and we have to ultimately rely upon Allah, one of those things that we can do from a practical perspective is make Dua now. If you are not a married person particularly and even if you’re married make the quranic dua Surah Al-Furqan [25:74] oh Allah give us from our spouses and from our children those who will be the coolness of our eyes and ask many of those brothers and sisters who are living some of the happiest days of their lives, today They will tell you We used to make this dua religiously back when we were bachelors. dua, second thing when married gets a little bit more real right? istikhara, the prayer of consultation, learn how to pray it if you are not sure, pray it over and over again and don’t wait for a dream. Don’t wait for any Vision, number three background checks, references. Don’t get caught up in the moment. Love at first sight, we have to get married regardless of who agrees or disagrees. So your peace of mind and to spare you a headache, do your background checks, test the religion of that person one way or another in what is suitable and appropriate, give it time why I personally have a big issue marrying Sister, for example with a brother who has decided to take his shahada on the day of the The Marriage Aqd (Contract) I’m not doubting his sincerity, got who am I to do that? He may be better than every one of us in the city in the eyes of Allah, but I’m talking now from a marriage perspective. Have you done your checks? Are you confident that this is.. the marriage that could last? you have no indication, the fella at had his only two and a half minutes old as a Muslim. And then you wonder why later on he may have left the religion, or he may have pushed you to leave the religion or you are striving to make him a better person but his friends of the past are pulling him back and vice versa. a brother who says she is the one akhi, she is the one , we heard that there are certain issues.
I’m going to change that inshallah allah tala , do your background checks and be patient and take this principle. Number two, very serious, very seriously Dear brothers and sisters principle number three is where Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala he said in Ar-Rum Surah 30 Ayah, 21 he has placed, Allah, he has placed between you love and mercy. Well, let us translate it as affection and mercy Allah has placed between you affection and mercy. How do we bring about the affection and the mercy we will discuss this next week. by the will of Allah, let us just quickly introduce this principle. First of all, what is the difference between love? And what Allah describes in this aya as Mawadda (affection) He said we have placed between the affection and mercy. He didn’t say we put love and mercy between you although love is undoubtedly there. What is the difference between the two, does anybody know? So you can guess, love and affection .. some of the scholars have mentioned that one of the differences between affection and love is that, love is the name of the feeling that you have towards that individual. Yeah. That’s the attraction.
That’s the the care the the longing the yearning for them is that I think that may even keep you up at night, in the early parts of your marriage perhaps or your engagement. It’s that Fire that burns within you that’s the love, however the affection which allows speaks about in the ayah here is what Allahu Alem in reference to what you then do about that love, how you show the love that is the affection. So the gift, the smile, the hug, the intimacy, the time spent together and so on and so forth. This is the expression of the love. This is the Mawadda. And undoubtedly Mawadda therefore is different to love because it involves interaction. There is a communication between the two, they are in each other’s presence and therefore here we have to be careful and that’s why Allah says we have also placed Mercy between you and it is true that some people they harm Those whom they love them because of love. Where that love becomes unbridled, uncontrolled completely out of its Lane and and they end up harming that person because of obsessive love agreed? So Allah says we have placed affection and mercy between you just like a child because I want a person who is obsessively in love with can have childlike Tendencies and a child. He has a toy he loves his toy and wherever he goes the toy is with him, right? It’s next when he’s asleep, next to him when he’s eating. But he will also have no problem lobbying that toy from the top of the stairs to the bottom and experimenting with that toy. And some people they do that. So Allah says we have placed between you affection and what else? rahma, mercy Allahu Akbar, and therefore that Mercy is what controls that love and keeps it within check and within reason.